military, military life, milspouse

Milspouse Monday: Missing Out

This is both a plea for forgiveness and a giant thank you for all my civilian friends. I’m looking at you, and I am so thankful for you. One of the hardest things for me in this crazy milspouse life might not be the most obvious. I’ve gotten used to the leaving and it doesn’t make me lose my mind like it once did. I think at the stage the kids are in we are busier, they “need” us less, and they are sleeping through the night {can I get an amen?}.

The thing that is the hardest about #militarylife isn't what you think it is - the leaving I'm used to - its the missing out that I'm not Click To Tweet

For me the hardest part is missing out. We’ve really grown a life here, more so than any other place that we’ve been. We are all happy, which is crazy!!! The kids are loving school and adjusted, hubby is loving his job, and I’ve got stuff. It’s amazing!! So when I have to miss out on events, parties, get-togethers it kills me a little bit inside. This isn’t just a byproduct of my military life. My personality is largely to blame. As a self-described sanguin I thrive on being around people. Lock me in the house for a couple days and I’ve become a shadow of the person I once was. I say things like “can we just go to the library as a family?” or “can we all go to Cost-Co together?” constantly to me sweet and adoring husband. I’m comfortable around large groups, comfortable in taking the lead – all good qualities. The downside is that when I don’t get out, don’t see people I fall apart a little inside. I withdraw and feel alone. I worry constantly that these people don’t like me anymore, that somehow in the rat race of life they’ve decided that me missing an event or two means that I obviously hate them and their only recourse is not be my friend anymore. It’s insanity!! If they don’t reach out to me it must be over. Another part of my personality is that of “The Reacher”. A topic I’ve discussed before, and one that is close to my heart.

Life isn’t a one-way road!

I’m constantly feeling like I’m the reacher! I’m the texter, the caller, the get-together put together-er {its a word, I’ve decided}. I know that its mostly in my head, but its a very real feeling. To feel like you’re the one moving the friendship along. That if I suddenly stopped texting and calling said person I’d never hear from them again. And while that may be true in some cases, I know its not for everyone. I tell myself I should just chill. Calm the heck down Rheanna!! But I usually don’t do a very good job. And while I’m able to keep my anxiety at bay most of the time these day, it is during these times when military life has reared its ugly head that my anxiety does also.

 

So to all my civilian, and military friends, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. For being in my life, for dealing with the crazy, and for being understanding. I make a plea for myself and for all the military spouses you might know that many of us feel this way. And we ask, so very selfishly, to not forget about us. When we can’t go somewhere, or do something, don’t forget about us. Keep inviting us, keep showing up in our lives. Because you know what happens if you do? You’ll get on of the most loyal and steadfast friends you could find. We will be there in a moment’s notice. We know how to rally the troops, get a meal chain going, load of the kids at all hours and head over to your house. We welcome you in to crash on the couch, we’ll feed you amazing meals and just be there for you. It might not always be easy being our friend, but I promise that in the end we think its worth it!

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