Preparing For A Little One: Babyproofing your Marriage

Preparing For A Little One

Happy Friday ya’ll!  It’s the weekend everyone…however not really a weekend for us.  This is our Sunday.  So lame.   This is the final link-up for “Preparing For a Little One.”  I’m kind of a little bit sad.  I’ve had fun thinking about each of the topics, remembering what I did with my kids, what I would have done different.  I really had fun reading the other posts from the link-up, making a connection based on the fact that we had similar ideas.  Our amazing host, Kaitlyn, is about to have her little one and I’m pretty excited about that too!  Babies being born…swoon…it’s so much fun.  There have been so many wonderful topics in this series.

Our final talking is about Babyproofing Your Marriage.  There’s no doubt that children change things.  How could they not?  You have a new little human being that you are responsible for.  You are recovering from the birth experience mentally and physically.  Between lack of sleep and adjusting to things like breast-feeding and maintaining tasks around the house, the whole marriage part might go by the wayside.  Truthfully we are guilty of just hanging out in survival mode.  After three kids and a crazy military career, survival mode can become the mode you live in all the time.  For me, depression was something I dealt with after my 1st and my 3rd child.  PPD can add a whole other element to the equation.  We aren’t alone though ladies!  Unfortunately “mommy wars” and “women wars” have ruined a lot of the built in support systems that would otherwise be in place.  Surround yourself with a wonderful support group and you’ll be well on your way to recovery both mentally and physically.  Before I give my tips there’s also a book and website that I came across with the title of or topic today.  Many of the articles I’ve read are witty and helpful.  So check out the site for yourself.

Five Tips for Babyproofing your Marriage
1. Get out!  Fresh air can do wonders!  Talking walks by yourself or with your mate can clear the air in your head.  I used to bundle up my littles, grab a coke and a popcorn at target (super cheap) and just walk around.  I know its so hard to not spend money when you are in target.  I know whenever I’m in there I’m like “ooooooo look, shiny….must have!”  Whenever I took the time to go out, either for a walk, or an actual outing I found myself refreshed and more focused when the hubby came home from work.
2. He knows what he’s doing.  Even if he doesn’t know what he’s doing let it go.  Whether it be the actual care of the baby (he doesn’t put the diaper on just perfectly, he holds the baby different than you do when feeding or burping) or the care of the house.  If the man offers to do the dishes but loads the dish washer differently, or maybe he cleans the bathroom and just uses Windex on everything…let it go.  If he wants to take the baby while you take a nap, do it and relax.  I’m guilty of it and many of my friends are as well.  Correcting him at every turn will only frustrate him and he’ll probably stop helping eventually.  I know I couldn’t do it without him and I make sure he knows that!
3. Find a Babysitter and go on a date!  This is one area I’ve never struggled with.  I actually had a harder time leaving my kids in the nursery at church for the first time then I did leaving them with a sitter.  We use Sittercity and we’ve never had a problem.  If you’re military (including Guard and Reserve) you are eligible for a free account.  You can run free basic background checks as well.  We have about four sitters that we have (day and night ones) and I’m super grateful.  Get involved with a moms group and get recommendations.  Alone time has always been a re-sparker in our marriage.  We recently just left our kids for one night with friends and had a local vacation.   I recommend as regular as you can get date nights (either out or in – rent a movie and make some popcorn), and trying to get away when you can.  We try to do it at least once a year even if it’s just for the night.
4. Non-couple time is just as important.  Letting your man have a poker night or your going out with your girlfriends is just as important before baby as it is after baby.  In fact I might argue that it is more important after baby.  Your life is changing for reals, and there’s no going back.  If you lose yourself then your marriage will surely suffer.  Before we moved across country Hubby was fairly regular about getting together with a couple of his guy friends.  I try to plan having girlfriends over if hubby is gone, or going out for a drink.  I’m currently planning a girls night for next month.  Maintaining who YOU are whether or not you have kids is so important.  This has always been a priority for both me and the hubby.  This will not only keep your marriage healthy now, but when the kids are grown and gone you will known who you are.
5. Talk about Sex.  After my first baby it was bad.  It was a difficult experience and I had to have a somewhat emergency episiotomy.  The recovery from it was much longer than the normal six weeks.  We didn’t really talk about things like we should have.  My husband was and is a saint, and I tell  him that all the time.  It was a rough time in our marriage, but we took measures to not repeat that with the next two.  Acknowledging that he has needs that might be different than yours is important.  We know that all a mommy really wants to do for the first little bit is snuggle that baby and sleep.  But maintaining an emotional and physical connection is vital to a marriage.  Don’t be afraid to talk about it, even before the baby.  Talk about your expectations, worries and fears.  You will find yourself closer than you ever thought.
Thanks for stopping by.  Make sure to check out the other blogs, as well as our host, that are linked up for this.  If you’re a new follower make sure to let me know.  Also if you have some time 50 of us Military Mom bloggers have been named Top 50 Military Mom blogs by Voice Boks.  Vote for Cammo Style Love or another one of your favorites.  No signing up for anything and it’s a one-time vote.  I know all of  us would appreciate your support.

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