Don’t get me wrong, military spouses with careers rock! They really do, and I firmly believe that all the work and progress that is being made, and all that has been accomplished is so important. For all the spouses that are nurses, lawyers, teachers, that have worked so hard to get where they are at – they should be able to go anywhere and not have to waste time and money getting re-certified. All of it is good. But life is like a pendulum right? I’m sure it’s part of my insecurities but so many people assume that I’m not working because either I can’t find a job or I’m an oppressed housewife. That I couldn’t possibly think that it is better for me to stay home and raise my children. Trust me, I’m not being locked up in the house. There are times I think about working, or the fact I’m not using my degree, or what will I do later. But for the most part I personally don’t understand paying for someone else to watch my children. I know that lots of people have to, and I realize lots of people want to. Working is empowering, a wonderful use of skills and knowledge. Many of the military spouses that I know that work are effecting real change in people’s lives by their work. People that choose to work are no less valid then me, and I’m in way passing judgement on your choices. I just want mine to be just as valid. I don’t want to have to add “not that it isn’t to you” or “not that your children aren’t important to you as well” after every sentence…so just know that I think those things and that I know them to be true.
But sometimes I wonder if there is less and less value being placed on those of us who don’t. I feel like those of us that are home are constantly being portrayed as the suffering housewife, who care too much about their husband’s job, like we carrying around the 1950’s Military Spouse Handbook and wear pearls while we clean (But I totally do because I think it’s wonderful) It is important for us to raise our children, and that (to us) outweighs anything else. I work on my blog and just started freelancing. I’ve had so many opportunities to attend press events, but I’ve also had to miss things because I could get a babysitter or couldn’t afford one. I am blessed that staying home is just as important to my husband as it is to me. We may not live a glamorous lifestyle, we can’t do a ton of traveling and lots of other little things that don’t need to be discussed on a blog. We don’t own a home and right now we have one car.
My husband’s career hasn’t made me a martyr, and quite enjoy just being a wife and mother. I really feel like this is what I’m called to do. Sometimes its not easy and I think about what it might be like to go out into the work force, or work more from home and put the kids in day care at least part time. It would be crazy of me to not think like that. It’s around me everywhere….and who couldn’t help but think maybe I’M the one that is doing it wrong. Maybe I am suppressing myself and making it all about my husband’s life and career? But then I think, “no, being a wife and mother, keeping the homefront together, supporting him and his life isn’t any less valid.” My personal beliefs and convictions are this, but I understand that not everyone shares that view. And that’s okay, as long as what we are doing is okay too. I don’t want other wives and moms out there to think that they should be working if they don’t really want to. To think that some day they will wake up bitter and angry for being forced into a homemaker role they didn’t want. If you are like me you won’t. Life will open doors and windows for you as it has me. By volunteering and meeting people I have been provided with opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, to do things I couldn’t do if I were in any other position in life then I am now.
So if you read this and you see all the career stuff and it makes you second guess where you think you should be, with where the pendulum is swinging right now…stop…breathe…and think. When there is so much focus on a particular topic, people tend to feel like they should be right there with it. That isn’t always the case and that’s okay! And as a side note, the article that I originally heard this is was in no way I’m sure trying to say that women are being oppressed and don’t realize it. I just wanted to use the term as a way to highlight the fact not everyone is. And you can’t pass up using a cool term like that to grab people’s attention right?
