When I sat in the theater and watched Bad Moms I laughed right along with everyone else at the crazy things Christina Applegate’s character did. We said things, “oh my gosh, we totally know what that’s like!” Which mom am I? Am I the cookie baking mom, the mom that runs around and feels like she’s hanging by the thread, or am I the mom that everyone thinks is perfect. We all laughed because while we all thought the joke was funny there was a little part of me that was thinking “now this hits to close to home”. I could cry thinking about it, and have spent many nights looking at the places on my head where my hair has fallen out. The stress is nothing like the movie. You can’t just simply do what Mila Kunis did in the movie and everything is magically better. Looking back over the almost two years I’m not sure how I survived everything. But I’ve come out on the other side with amazing friends, an amazing job and maybe something I’ll think I’m better for it. But as I was talking to another friend of mine we shared how scared we both were to actually say anything. We were perfectly fine to get tormented and watch others, but the thought of sticking up for ourselves and others actually scared us. Seriously?! What is wrong with us?! Truth is, seeing as how I totally get it, I’m not sure. So how do you survive?
- Prayer – I don’t know if you’re the kind who prays. But I am. So I pray. For the right words, the calmness and strength. I don’t want to be a martyr, to stand there and take it and come off like some holier than though pious freak. But I still want to do the right thing. The only way I know how to do all that is to pray.
- Talk About It – whether that is to my husband, my mom or my friends, talking about it helps. I get to work out all the things that I wished I said, I should never say but need to get out of my system, or get feedback. I want nothing more than to make things right so talking about things with save people usually helps me reach that.
- Surround Yourself with People – You hope and pray that you’ve chosen well and surrounded yourself with the right people. Mistakes are made and no one is perfect but having the right people around you is crucial. I really don’t know how I could have made it. The worst is when you think you’ve surrounded yourself with the right people and you realize you haven’t. Hold the people that are there for you even closer.
- Forgive – No matter how much you want to not forgive, you have to for you. I’m not a pro at doing this. Its really hard for me. I don’t do it well. File this under things I’m still working on.
- Move On – For me that came from unfriending and deactivating my Facebook page. For me that drastic of a step had to be taken. I didn’t know how to do it otherwise. Unfortunately you can’t always wish that these people disappear, and you are sometimes in situations where you have to be around these people and you can’t escape. So do what you can to remove them from your life. In our crazy social media led world we’ve developed this inability to hit the “unfriend” button. So we just let the list keep on growing no matter what the status is of these people in your life. Chances are that if you are feeling like you want to unfriend them they aren’t worth having around in your life to begin with. Why is this such a hard concept for us? Also a question I don’t know the answer to.
I don’t have all the answers, and writing this was really about getting it….or number two on my list. Even if no one ever reads this it helps to see what I need to do right in front of me. To be honest with myself, learn from things and finally get to number five. Its hard when you can’t completely shut that world out of your life. You have to find a way to deal with ugly people and ugly things in your life. We have to encourage each other, life each other up but also know when to bow out. One of the most amazing things that my beloved pastor said to me was that God doesn’t call us to be “friends” with everyone. We are called to love our brothers and sisters in Christ, follow the ten commandments, do unto others. But the Devil has a funny way of working himself him to situations that appear one way but are really the other. We get caught up in the fact that we must be good people, do the right thing…..but before we know it we are a shadow of our former selves, broken and sad. All for what we think is friendship and the right thing to do!
I know I’m not alone and I’m here if anyone wants to share their story. Life isn’t like a movie, but man it feels good to laugh at one.
You are a great example to others Rheanna. I love your personality, giving nature, and outlook on life. It’s tough to turn the other cheek when you always have to be the mature one in the face of immature/ mean-spirited/self-centered/know-it-all types. When I find myself in these situations, I try to remember what is actually important in my life and recategorize the pests back to the rodent position they actually are. Stay strong mama! Love you!