Along the road of becoming a milspouse, having children and navigating our somewhat unique and different military life there have been times where I have lost my way. Its easy to do no matter who you are or where you’re going. I not alone either but it wasn’t until I started talking about my own “lost moments” did I realize it. It was then I realized that talking about it with my friends, family, fellow milspouses was something that was important to me.
After having my first children, almost nine years ago {whoa!} I suffered from some pretty gnarly post-partum depression. So bad that I didn’t even realize it was happening, which isn’t an uncommon story. You get caught up in living your life to the best of your ability, living in survival mode, that you can’t think straight. Since that time I have been to therapy {thank you military one source – free counseling and completely secure}, been through two rounds of medication and have been better for it. So how did I do it, and what is my road map for the future?
1) Stay Vigilant ~ As much as you are able, be aware of yourself. Take stock of your emotions and feelings. I was able to do this the second time around, when I began to notice myself not responding to text messages and not picking up the phone for people. After we moved and Mr. Air Force’s schedule proved to be way busier than either of us had expected, it was extremely difficult. We were farther away then we had ever been from family and despite my extrovert personality it proved to be too much.
2) Be Honest ~ This is for you and for others. who are the people in your life that you trust? Identify them and talk to them. These are the people that tell you, “hey man, I think you’re depressed,” or “Something is up, you’re not acting like you’re normal self.” They need to be able to say it to you openly and honestly, and more than once; probably fifty times to be more specific. You aren’t off the hook here, you have to honest with yourself too. Sometimes you can’t do it all, and without getting to politically incorrect, or correct {i can never tell which}, we can’t do everything and we can’t do it all! This is particularly true if we are by ourselves. Recognize that about yourself. For me, it meant saying no to things when I knew I would be the most stressed or alone. This was huge for me, but I finally learned how to do it.
3) Find Your Thing ~ This has been something that has been particularly important for me. Mine has been this blog, writing and advocacy. It also happens to include super fun and frivolous things like buying way too much yarn and crocheting all night, inviting girlfriends over to watch Pretty In Pink and Top Gun, and binge watching Gilmore Girls for the fifty-millionith time. For some of my fellow milspouses its a career. They make it happen for them in whatever way they can, be it daycare, work from home, telecommute, whatever! Make it a priority, no matter what. If you’re like me and can’t fathom the idea of paying for childcare, its not in the budget, or have a husband whose career is just not conducive to outside work regularly, find other moms to trade with, create a co-op of sorts. Trust me, you won’t regret it!
4) Support and Education ~ This seems self-explanatory, but is important enough for its own number! One of the things we do when we first move somewhere is find a church. Now this may not be for you, but for those that do attend church I can’t stress how important it is to get plugged in ASAP! We typically don’t have a standard unit or squadron, with a welcome wagon and spouses of my husband’s co-workers waiting to be my ready-made friends. Sometimes it sucks! Finding a church usually leads to finding a bible study, a mom’s group and fellowship. Its a life saver every time! Volunteering outside of the home for a military group or in your child’s school is another good way to get this done. The educate part comes by reading up on what is out there. Groups like Military Spouses of Strength really focus on support and education of depression. Military Spouse Advocacy Network is working on growing a significant network of local spouse advocates who empower and strengthen through in person connections, as well as webinars and online support. Up top I have compiled an almost ridiculous grouping of support and resource links! You can also contact me at any time and I can point you in the right direction, answers questions, give support or advice!
