A New Year, A New Me and a New You! {MilSpouse Wellness Summit}

 

I’m about a week late to the party. The obligatory “New Year’s” post that one must publish when you’re a blogger. My new me was postponed when I promptly became sick on January 2nd. It’s now a week later and I’m still sick, having transitioned from some sort of fever virus to a sinus infection. Murphy has moved in forever apparently. But I’ve got big plans for 2018! Along with the obvious resolutions – move more, eat better, be present – I’m excited to kick off the year with goal of self-care. I think most moms can relate to this. Your life is about your family and your children and self-care falls somewhere at the very end of the list when your children are asleep.

How do you practice ‘self-care’ when you are a busy mom, solo-parenting a lot of the time, and with a lot on your plate? First thing you can do is register for the Military Spouse Wellness Summit 2018!  I’m so excited for this virtual summit. This will be my third summit, and it is always an amazing experience. You can join me and fellow military spouses, military girlfriends, wives of firefighters and police officers, as we join together in a united goal of taking care of ourselves. The MSWS will focus on full-body, all inclusive health – mind, body and soul. And as cheesy as that might sound, the organizers behind thing amazing summit know what they are doing.

Host, Corie Weathers, a licensed professional counselor, will take us through our week-long journey of wellness. Joined by guests like Laura Casey, reserve spouse, founder of Southern Weddings and Write the Word Journals; Tiffany Smiley, Caregiver spouse and founder of Hope Unseen and Jess Atkins, founder of the StyleBook app, a virtual closest organizer, I guarantee you will have an amazing experience. Find balance, tools to prevent the burnout – all things that I need to be reminded of my life.

I’ve shared my story many times on this blog, giving snippets of my life a little at a time. Everyone’s military life is unique and mine is no exception. At times it is rough and each year is different. 2018 is going to be one of those rough years I think, but my hope is that this summit sets things up so that I have the tools to cope with things that life throws at me. I know it won’t be perfect, but what I do know is that with my family, friends and faith will help carry me through.

Register for the Summit here! General admission is free, VIP registrations are still available. TODAY is the last day to receive 65% off with code: TRIBE

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MilSpouse Stories: How We Do Reintegration {In 5 Easy Steps}

While we all know reintegration can sometimes be the opposite of easy, there are things that you can mentally prepare for that will make the transition as easy as possible. We recently had what felt like our one-millionth reintegration and this time around I’ve had several people ask me how we do it when he comes home. Fortunately for us Mr. Air Force and I have had a ton of experience at this, but we weren’t always this awesome at it. And while most of my advice in this particular post centers around family, reintegration without kids can be tricky in its own right. A lot of the stories and advice work for both situations.

Reintegration is tough, ask any MilSpouse. I’ve found myself struggling with making sure I find the balance between letting them feel like they are a part of the family directly and not putting too much pressure on them. For the spouse that has been at home, me, I’ve gotten into a routine. I’ve filled the role of both parents, of house fixer, boo boo kisser, bedtime story reader and all that other stuff that is usually split up between two people. I find myself taking over and doing things that he would normally do…or doing nothing in the hopes that he will step in and do it. Neither of which is probably fair for either one of us. I am a lucky girl though. I have a spouse who comes home and realizes that we’ve been going on without him, that I’ve been doing a lot, that the kids have chores and routines that he might have forgotten or not realized. He always asks how things are going, and what their chores and routines are. This is something that has evolved over our the years in our marriage, something we’ve really worked on. We’ve learned a lot over the last fourteen years and hopefully what we’ve experienced can help someone who reads this.

1. Don’t Rush It
We’ve done it both ways, rushed and not rushed, and taking it slow when you need to is the way the to go. There are times that we’ve really needed it, and times that we’ve picked up right where we’ve  we left off without so much as a hiccup.  Leaving the next day for a family vacation, even if its just the a quiet one, might not be the greatest of ideas. And while having a Welcome Home party is a fun idea, overwhelming your service member with a large group of people directly after they arrive home, might be best saved for a couple days down the line. But just like everyone does deployment different, everyone does reintegration different.
“Give yourself time to readjust as a family/couple BEFORE inviting extended family and friends for an extended visit or long weekend stay. Having additional moving wheels in your new dynamic can really set things back. I would include parents and siblings in this guideline.  The deployed parent is playing catch-up with childhood milestones, the kids are trying to navigate the new normal while keeping up in school, and the non-deployed parent is just trying to hold it all together.”
Don’t rush things. You all have changed and experienced different emotions, joys and challenges and it will take time to find your new normal. Just make sure that your expectations are realistic, and most of all be patient with each other. Things may not be like before and that’s ok.
Judy – The Direction Diva


photo credit: Gronde Photography

2. Routine
In my own personal life this has been key. The excitement of having a parent home when they’ve been gone a lot for the kids, and myself too. And while sticking with the standard routine can be complicated sometimes when you are introducing a parent in who hasn’t been a part of the routine or doesn’t know the changes in routine well, its a good thing for kids. Resilient as MilKids are, the structure that is found in a routine is so important for them. This is why I have learned how important it is to keep the deployed service member aware of the routine through your normal conversations. It keeps them connected and feeling involved while they are gone, and can only help with the reintegration process when they return.
 I’ve (slowly) learned that the key for our family is routine. It’s bewildering for my husband to come home and be dumped into the routine we figured out. His unfamiliarity with daily activities makes him uncomfortable, frustrates and confuses our son, and puts me on edge (often unreasonably). Our last deployment I had the surprising effective idea to put a small dry erase board on the fridge with our daily schedule Every morning, if there was anything different or unusual going on, I would write it at the bottom. I also emailed that schedule to him before he came home. It wasn’t a hard and fast rule – just an outline of how our day normally ran. What time munchkin needed to be in the bathtub in order to get to bed on time, etc. It totally changed reintegration for us. There will always be adjustment, but keeping communication open (especially non-confrontational channels is always a good idea. This time, I also insisted on taking some time for myself, and setting aside some time just for our son and I, even right after he came home.
3. Expectation
Expectations can be all over the place and it is important to talk about them and acknowledge them. What are you excited about, what are you worried about, what do they want and what do you want. If there are children involved, sometimes they aren’t as excited for the return of their parent as much as you might hope. This is something I’ve experienced myself. My husband was so incredibly sweet and patient with our littlest one. Its important that they know it isn’t them and don’t take it personally.
The hardest thing for us is my husband and the kids. {My husband} was gone six of my son’s first year (2 three month deps) and also away for his birth so they’ve had a lot of trouble connecting. Basically {he} wanted nothing to do with him and it broke his heart. So we eased into him being home, accepting that it would take time for {our son} to fully accept him. I’ve had to really reassure my husband that it will take some time and they’ll be best friends before he knows it. Fortunately our daughter adores him so it’s never an issue for her when he returns.
~ Anonymous MilSpouse~
4. Time as a couple
Especially important, and almost always forced to the back burner when you have children, is the importance reconnecting as a couple. I’ve noticed as the kids get older and become more aware of the realities when Daddy is gone, the focus switches almost entirely to them. It is sometimes a good thing because I am so focused on helping them through this that I don’t have time to dwell on my sadness. The flipside of that is if I ignore myself entirely for too long I end of freaking out over something tiny. So inevitably when they come home the kids want to command all of the attention, which is understandable. Date nights are important all the time, but after a long separation they should be a priority. Even if its a stay at home date night, setting apart time to do something special is so key to a successful reintegration.
Take time to spend time together but also take time to spend time apart. Jumping from being apart all the time to being together all the time can be challenging at times. Scheduling some alone time can help. I also find that scheduling things for us to look forward to doing together is helpful. It helps if we get out and do things instead of simply staying around the house all the time. They’re kind of like “dates” to help us reconnect.

5. Help them play catch up
Especially when your service member is gone for a year, there is so much they can feel like they missed. And sometimes a themed care-package doesn’t quite cut it. I’ve seen people delay taking down Christmas if the arrival of their service member is close to Christmas, or wait altogether. Back in the day when you used VHS to record things, I recorded all sorts of silly and ridiculous things that my husband missed during a year long stint. That was a commitment! To this day I record tons of things and we have almost nightly date nights playing catch up on all that he missed. To involve your kids, have them keep a deployment journal with pictures or written entries if they are older. It will be so much fun to look through with their parent.
 I also keep a folder of random things from during his deployment he can look through when he gets a chance (or when he can’t sleep). It has notes I made, or cards that came in the mail, funny things I read and thought of him, etc. Last deployment he was gone over Christmas so I had a big pile of Christmas cards for him. I think it helps make him feel “caught up” on what he missed while he was away.
Tara ~ An Aiming High Wife



photo credit: Gronde Photography

learn about reintegration tips and more in this new book!
Don’t miss you

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MilSpouse Stories – The Deployment Boyfriend

Continuing on with the MilSpouse Stories series I wanted to talk about something most military spouses will get when they see the title….”Deployment Boyfriend.”  Don’t worry, its nothing sinister or scandalous. In fact, with most of my friends its a running joke. You might have heard the term, “surrogate spouse,” or heard Army wives giggle while talking about their ‘Jody’.

Well, my deployment boyfriend isn’t a guy, or even a surrogate spouse in the form of one of my best girlfriends (they just stay my best girlfriends). No, my deployment is in fact many boyfriends and ones that sing. They’re the boys of country music and they sing to me whenever I want.

Music has always been connected to my soul. All of my emotions are wrapped up in music, and it wouldn’t be a rare occurrence for a song to bring tears to my eyes. So for me, I turn to music in times of separation from my husband, usually romantic ones or happy, fun ones. The last time around it was the boys of country music – Luke Bryan, Cole Swindell, Sam Hunt, Thomas Rhett, and the list goes on. They cheered me up, made me cry, made me sentimental and romantic feelings. For some people its movies, and books…or maybe its their crafts or going out. Everyone has things that keep them busy or preoccupied. For me, its my escape, my happy place. One might say I get a little obsessed, but sometimes you just need to get away from it all during these times. The overwhelming aspects of facing many months alone is at times daunting, no matter how many times you’ve done it. I consider myself to be an expert at it, but that doesn’t mean I handle it with expertise every time. The other day I was watching the CMAs, and Luke Bryan was accepting his entertainer of the year award. I got a little teary as he thanked his wife for sticking by him as he goes out touring for months and months on end. Granted, he’s not deployed at war, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss him like  miss my husband. And here she is sharing him with the whole world and countless ridiculous female fans, like myself. The music gets me through the rough times, and I think its only fair to thank those that make a small sacrifice to share their talents with the rest of the world right?

Music is the very essence of many people’s souls. They get it, it speaks to them. And sure the people who are giving it to us are celebrities, make tons of money, get to go to fancy parties and have a status that puts them in the limelight. But they bring music to us, and that’s awesome. Its part of our parties, weddings, road trips and funerals. Our favorite movies usually have amazing soundtracks that draw emotions out of us, without us even realizing it.

So thank you country boys (and your wives and families), for giving me the music that helps me get through the tough times and happy times. Thanks for being my “deployment boyfriend.”

My Current Deployment Boyfriend Play List

1. Luke Bryan – Strip it Down
2. Luke Bryan – Home Alone Tonight
3. Chase Rise – Gonna Wanna Tonight
4. Chris Young – I’m Coming Over
5. Cole Swindell – A Dozen Roses and a Six-Pack
6. Sam Hunt – Cop Car
7. Sam Hunt – Come Over (acoustic ep)
8. Thomas Rhett – Playing with fire
9. Lee Brice – I don’t Dance
10. Michael Ray – Somewhere South
11. Jason Aldean – Burnin’ It Down
12. Cole Swindell – Hope You Get Lonely Tonight
13. Cannan Smith – Love You Like That

what gets you through the tough times?
do you have a deployment boyfriend?

Check out this amazing new book, written by Spouse for Spouses!

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10 Awesome Holiday Carepackage Ideas {Sponsored Post}

It’s about that time to start putting together your Holiday/Christmas themed care packages for your deployed or TDY service members. I love putting them together because it helps send a little bit of home to them. You get to feel a little more connected with them when they are gone. I know that if you aren’t a regular with the care-packages it can feel a little daunting starting the process. What to put in, what not to put in, themed and all that fun little stuff. But never fear, Cammo Style Love is here. If you aren’t like me and just enjoying going out and staring at the aisles in the store to make it up as I go along, then maybe Pinterest is your friend. Make sure you’re following my Military Tips and Fun board on Pinterest. Planning ahead and preparation are good things sometimes. So, with that in mind, here are some of my favorite holiday care package ideas!

1. ELF themed carepackage – I’m not sure what else feels more like Christmas than the movie Elf. So much fun right? This care-package calls for easy to ship gingerbread cookies and some other fun things you see in the movie. Watch the movie with your kids while you’re putting this together. It will surely get you in the holiday spirit.

2. Deployment Stocking Stuffers – This amazing post is by another military spouse blogger, whom I’m super blessed to call friend. Jo has an amazing blog in general and has tons of care-package ideas on her blog {so make sure you bookmark it!}. From the practical to the fun, these ideas are sure to make for one awesome care-package.

3. Handprint Art! – I love love love handprint/fingerprint art, and my kids love making it. When Mr. Air Force is deployed we are constantly including art for him and he loves it. It ends up all over his room, and taped to the understand of his bunk {or on the ceiling above}. Plus, these ideas make great Christmas presents for your family. My go to place for all my fingerprint/handprint art needs is the Fun Handprint Art blog!

4. Decorating the box – Check out my Halloween Care Package post for how we decorated the inside of the box. It’s a super easy way and can be customized for any occasion. If you want to use wrapping paper that’s a breeze as well. The way that I do it is by simply take the box apart, lay it flat, (I order the package of USPS priority mail boxes and those come apart easy) wrap it and then put it back together. Easy breezy!!

5. Dollar Store!! Dollar Store!! Dollar Store!!!! – The Dollar Store, or whatever you have that is similar to you, is my first stop when putting together a care-package. I go there for my wrapping paper, stickers, little decorations to fit the holiday and cheap necessities.

7. cake in a jar – This is my go to for deployment treats! You can buy cake mix or make from scratch any kind you want. Grab yourself some of the small mason jars with lid and seal. Prep them as you would cupcakes – preheat oven as directed and spray glass jars. Fill them like you would a cupcake tin, about 1/3 full. After you pull them out of the oven, trim any excess that has started to come out and immediately seal. The heat causes the jars to self-seal (you’ll hear the pop!). Include some frosting and you’re good to go!

8. Letters – Especially during holidays and birthdays I collect letters, and extra Christmas cards, from myself, the kids, our friends and families and include them in the box. They can take their time opening them or open them all at once. Depending on their living situation, including some twine or ribbon for them to hang the cards from in their quarters is a fun idea as well.

9. Snow in a Can – there’s a couple different types you can find on amazon. It’s just plain fun right?
Instant Snow in a Can
Instant Magic Snow in Can

10. Don’t Forget New Year’s! – Its right after your winter season holidays, whatever you celebrate, so don’t forget it! This simple pin I found is probably the easiest and sweetest thing I’ve ever seen! It’s just too cute so click the link.

Care packages are one of those things that can make deployment fun. Being a military family has its ups and downs, but finding the good in the ‘less than good’ makes it that much easier. That’s why I’m happy to have Lincoln Military Housing as a sponsor on this post. Since 1965 Lincoln Property Management has been striving for excellence in their field. As Lincoln Military Housing they aim to provide quality housing on over 20 installations, as well as community events and support to the families living within their communities. Check out their website, especially if you are getting ready to PCS, to see if you will be heading to a location where Lincoln Military Housing is.

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MilSpouse Stories: Preparing Your Heart

When I became a military spouse I expected there to be hard times. “We” had joined during war time, in a career field that had a high op-tempo. I knew that. We weren’t that far from family and I have always been a fiercely independent sort of gal. So what’s the worse that could happen? Little did I know that my heart would be thrown into despair and sadness that I had a never before experienced. Circumstances beyond my control, and new life experiences that I had not expected would throw my heart for a loop.

Struggling with my heart to this day I turned to a bible study that I’m currently doing.  
Jesus, the One & Only has been such an amazing study for me right now. If you’ve never done a Beth Moore study I can’t recommend them enough. In fact, this is my second time doing this particular one and here it is speaking directly to my soul. As I opened up the book for the day this verse jumped out at me: “When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, ‘Don’t cry.’ Luke 7:13. I was crying and it was ridiculous. But he cares whether or not I’m crying and that is anything but ridiculous. You know that feeling though. You don’t want to be that girl that says, “hey, my husband is deployed give me a pass!” But at the same time you kind of want to be like, “hey, my husband is deployed so give me a break.” It’s one of those things that I feel like I should wear on a t-shirt or tattoo on my forehead. Guys, I’m sorry!! I’m the kind of girl that locks her keys in her car three times in one week. It’s amazing how different a deployment can be each time, no matter how experienced you are. The children’s age, the time of year, external stressors all play a factor in how it all goes each time.

I don’t have to time to prepare my heart because I am guarding my children’s, trying to prepare theirs.  As they’ve grown older the gaping hole their deployed daddy has left in their heart is more apparent these days. The day is a succession of deep breaths and eyes turned upward, “Please Lord, give me strength.” He will I know he will, but I have to let him first.

One’s heart is a funny little thing. Shore it up, protect it, tell it that this is only temporary but yet it still breaks. My partner, who makes life easier isn’t here with me and despite having some of the best support I’ve ever hard, it doesn’t take the place of having him here with me. Being a classic, “girl who takes on too much,” having  my partner around to bare that load with me is something that I try not to take for grated but inevitably do when I take on too much.

So, I read my books, stick to my bible study and quiet time as much as possible, take lots of deep breaths and pray. Pray a lot. While I’m terrible at asking for help, with each one I feel like I’m getting better. God has placed these people in my life and I know that I can’t do this on my own. This is just one of my MilSpouse story. Do you have one? How do you prepare your heart?
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