What the New Year Brings…..

As I walk through the aisles of Target, binge buying planner accessories, I realized that it was actually a new year. I mean, I already knew it was a new year…but I realized what that actually means. Or, to be more precise what social media wants that mean. I need goals and word that defines what I want my year to mean. But listen guys, my Christmas decorations are still up….so, you know, there goes that.

It’s the pressure you know? And I’ve always been the kind of person that puts pressure on myself, I want people to like me, be happy, not hurt their feelings, make them proud and all those things that really have nothing to do with me. I’m not sure if I’m the only one that does this but I shove those feelings down while trying to be everything to everyone and end up cracking like a glass sitting next to an Opera singer. So I’m putting all this pressure on myself and now what?!! I think time management is going to crucial for me this year, that and knowing and accepting my limits. I want to help and I really feel called to, but I definitely thing that putting all my time into things like that isn’t good. It’s only a quick jaunt till you reach the road to resentment, where you feel like you have no time to recharge. When things like my writing, reading for fun, working out and crafting get taken out of my life because I’ve filled it up with other things I start to feel that crabbiness. It is this feeling of being out sorts and not knowing why. It wasn’t until recently that I realized what that was. I stopped and looking around and realized that  There has to be balance…so maybe I do have word!!

Its the never-ending struggle of life – whether you are a mom, not a mom, staying at home or working full time. I really want to strive for that and I think the crucial part of that is not filling your life with too much stuff. Not saying yes to everything, prioritizing my family, recognizing my limitations, and taking time out for me. As a military spouse I have to realize the limitations that can impose on my life. I have to say no to things that I really don’t want to say no too, and it kills me. But its a season. A season in my life and I know God is blessing me and using me right where I am at. He can help with those feelings of anger and resentment if I just let him. That is why one of the first steps I took for structure and planning the new year was a scripture-writing challenge. Finding quiet time has always been difficult for me and this really struck me as an amazing opportunity. You should check it out on the Sweet Blessings blog. The next was organizing a reading list for the year. And finally I purchased my new planner and got all sorts of goodies to use for decorating and writing in it.

They are small steps, but are profound for me. Getting centered and prioritizing my quiet time in a way that fits me, and also prioritizing and organizing something that is just for me ( my reading challenge). It’s a good start and I’m feeling refreshed and excited about the possibilities for this new year.

what about you? are you overwhelmed with the new year and that means for you? how do you fight that feeling?

post signature
If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Continue Reading

MilSpouse Stories: Preparing Your Heart

When I became a military spouse I expected there to be hard times. “We” had joined during war time, in a career field that had a high op-tempo. I knew that. We weren’t that far from family and I have always been a fiercely independent sort of gal. So what’s the worse that could happen? Little did I know that my heart would be thrown into despair and sadness that I had a never before experienced. Circumstances beyond my control, and new life experiences that I had not expected would throw my heart for a loop.

Struggling with my heart to this day I turned to a bible study that I’m currently doing.  
Jesus, the One & Only has been such an amazing study for me right now. If you’ve never done a Beth Moore study I can’t recommend them enough. In fact, this is my second time doing this particular one and here it is speaking directly to my soul. As I opened up the book for the day this verse jumped out at me: “When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, ‘Don’t cry.’ Luke 7:13. I was crying and it was ridiculous. But he cares whether or not I’m crying and that is anything but ridiculous. You know that feeling though. You don’t want to be that girl that says, “hey, my husband is deployed give me a pass!” But at the same time you kind of want to be like, “hey, my husband is deployed so give me a break.” It’s one of those things that I feel like I should wear on a t-shirt or tattoo on my forehead. Guys, I’m sorry!! I’m the kind of girl that locks her keys in her car three times in one week. It’s amazing how different a deployment can be each time, no matter how experienced you are. The children’s age, the time of year, external stressors all play a factor in how it all goes each time.

I don’t have to time to prepare my heart because I am guarding my children’s, trying to prepare theirs.  As they’ve grown older the gaping hole their deployed daddy has left in their heart is more apparent these days. The day is a succession of deep breaths and eyes turned upward, “Please Lord, give me strength.” He will I know he will, but I have to let him first.

One’s heart is a funny little thing. Shore it up, protect it, tell it that this is only temporary but yet it still breaks. My partner, who makes life easier isn’t here with me and despite having some of the best support I’ve ever hard, it doesn’t take the place of having him here with me. Being a classic, “girl who takes on too much,” having  my partner around to bare that load with me is something that I try not to take for grated but inevitably do when I take on too much.

So, I read my books, stick to my bible study and quiet time as much as possible, take lots of deep breaths and pray. Pray a lot. While I’m terrible at asking for help, with each one I feel like I’m getting better. God has placed these people in my life and I know that I can’t do this on my own. This is just one of my MilSpouse story. Do you have one? How do you prepare your heart?
post signature
If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Continue Reading

Fear…

Hi all!  One of the sort of, kind of, resolutions I made this year was to write more personal posts.  I think its easy to stray away from that in blogging.  I really enjoyed writing about causes that are important to me, or products that I love; and in general I think that is something I will keep doing.  Blogging is the best way to meet people that are sharing a similar circumstance as you.  For me it is really difficult to talk about myself, which I think is one reason it has been so easy to stray from that here on this little piece of the internet.  If I’m going through something I usually keep it in, which can be both good and bad.  For me, mostly bad because I hold it too long until I finally explode in some way or another.

This time there was a change.  I felt myself falling into a similar trap.  One which I recognized as it was happening to me.  This past week a couple things happened that caused me to step into those familiar traps.  The “people-pleasing” part of me responded to something that was completely out of my control.  I know that I can not change people or make people believe something if they don’t want to.  Some people are just negative and chose to see bad over good right out of the gate.  Resting in the fact that I know what I’m doing and have been doing is good and right is simply all I need to do.  That, and just keep moving forward..proving that what I’m doing and feeling by keeping on do it just as I always have been.

Once one thing happens and you hear people have been questioning or talking negatively about you, it doesn’t take long for other negativity to sweep in.  A not responded to email, text or message is all it takes to send one into an ugly wormwhole of worry, fear and rejection.  Its an easy trap that I can fall into because of past experiences that severely traumatized me.  But I conquered that with the help of some of my now bestest friends and my family.  That, I think is one reason why I’m so quick to fall again.  Old habits die hard I guess.  So far so good though.  Just taking some deep breaths, picking up my books, crocheting a baby blanket (which literally makes me squeal inside) and enjoying the time with my kids.

Anyone else experienced this in life?  Do you have something similar that you go through, or are susceptible to?
post signature
If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Continue Reading