Milspouse Monday: Missing Out

This is both a plea for forgiveness and a giant thank you for all my civilian friends. I’m looking at you, and I am so thankful for you. One of the hardest things for me in this crazy milspouse life might not be the most obvious. I’ve gotten used to the leaving and it doesn’t make me lose my mind like it once did. I think at the stage the kids are in we are busier, they “need” us less, and they are sleeping through the night {can I get an amen?}.

The thing that is the hardest about #militarylife isn't what you think it is - the leaving I'm used to - its the missing out that I'm not Click To Tweet

For me the hardest part is missing out. We’ve really grown a life here, more so than any other place that we’ve been. We are all happy, which is crazy!!! The kids are loving school and adjusted, hubby is loving his job, and I’ve got stuff. It’s amazing!! So when I have to miss out on events, parties, get-togethers it kills me a little bit inside. This isn’t just a byproduct of my military life. My personality is largely to blame. As a self-described sanguin I thrive on being around people. Lock me in the house for a couple days and I’ve become a shadow of the person I once was. I say things like “can we just go to the library as a family?” or “can we all go to Cost-Co together?” constantly to me sweet and adoring husband. I’m comfortable around large groups, comfortable in taking the lead – all good qualities. The downside is that when I don’t get out, don’t see people I fall apart a little inside. I withdraw and feel alone. I worry constantly that these people don’t like me anymore, that somehow in the rat race of life they’ve decided that me missing an event or two means that I obviously hate them and their only recourse is not be my friend anymore. It’s insanity!! If they don’t reach out to me it must be over. Another part of my personality is that of “The Reacher”. A topic I’ve discussed before, and one that is close to my heart.

Life isn’t a one-way road!

I’m constantly feeling like I’m the reacher! I’m the texter, the caller, the get-together put together-er {its a word, I’ve decided}. I know that its mostly in my head, but its a very real feeling. To feel like you’re the one moving the friendship along. That if I suddenly stopped texting and calling said person I’d never hear from them again. And while that may be true in some cases, I know its not for everyone. I tell myself I should just chill. Calm the heck down Rheanna!! But I usually don’t do a very good job. And while I’m able to keep my anxiety at bay most of the time these day, it is during these times when military life has reared its ugly head that my anxiety does also.

 

So to all my civilian, and military friends, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. For being in my life, for dealing with the crazy, and for being understanding. I make a plea for myself and for all the military spouses you might know that many of us feel this way. And we ask, so very selfishly, to not forget about us. When we can’t go somewhere, or do something, don’t forget about us. Keep inviting us, keep showing up in our lives. Because you know what happens if you do? You’ll get on of the most loyal and steadfast friends you could find. We will be there in a moment’s notice. We know how to rally the troops, get a meal chain going, load of the kids at all hours and head over to your house. We welcome you in to crash on the couch, we’ll feed you amazing meals and just be there for you. It might not always be easy being our friend, but I promise that in the end we think its worth it!

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A New Year, A New Me and a New You! {MilSpouse Wellness Summit}

 

I’m about a week late to the party. The obligatory “New Year’s” post that one must publish when you’re a blogger. My new me was postponed when I promptly became sick on January 2nd. It’s now a week later and I’m still sick, having transitioned from some sort of fever virus to a sinus infection. Murphy has moved in forever apparently. But I’ve got big plans for 2018! Along with the obvious resolutions – move more, eat better, be present – I’m excited to kick off the year with goal of self-care. I think most moms can relate to this. Your life is about your family and your children and self-care falls somewhere at the very end of the list when your children are asleep.

How do you practice ‘self-care’ when you are a busy mom, solo-parenting a lot of the time, and with a lot on your plate? First thing you can do is register for the Military Spouse Wellness Summit 2018!  I’m so excited for this virtual summit. This will be my third summit, and it is always an amazing experience. You can join me and fellow military spouses, military girlfriends, wives of firefighters and police officers, as we join together in a united goal of taking care of ourselves. The MSWS will focus on full-body, all inclusive health – mind, body and soul. And as cheesy as that might sound, the organizers behind thing amazing summit know what they are doing.

Host, Corie Weathers, a licensed professional counselor, will take us through our week-long journey of wellness. Joined by guests like Laura Casey, reserve spouse, founder of Southern Weddings and Write the Word Journals; Tiffany Smiley, Caregiver spouse and founder of Hope Unseen and Jess Atkins, founder of the StyleBook app, a virtual closest organizer, I guarantee you will have an amazing experience. Find balance, tools to prevent the burnout – all things that I need to be reminded of my life.

I’ve shared my story many times on this blog, giving snippets of my life a little at a time. Everyone’s military life is unique and mine is no exception. At times it is rough and each year is different. 2018 is going to be one of those rough years I think, but my hope is that this summit sets things up so that I have the tools to cope with things that life throws at me. I know it won’t be perfect, but what I do know is that with my family, friends and faith will help carry me through.

Register for the Summit here! General admission is free, VIP registrations are still available. TODAY is the last day to receive 65% off with code: TRIBE

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The Long Road Home is An All Too Familiar One

A big thank you to National Geographic for your partnership on this event. 

When I stepped into the press room that was set up in one of the auditoriums on Fort Hood I was expecting a typical press junket. The ride over in the bus should have tipped me off to the fact that my experience would different than any that I had before, but those are stories that I keep all for myself. None the less I wasn’t expecting to have the very deep, emotional experience I have ever had. The week before I had been in a room with other military bloggers, entrepreneurs, and influencers as we sat and listened to two of the soldiers who had been there that Sunday, as well as the director of the mini-series. We watched an extended trailer, and while there was an important emphasis placed on the families that were a part of this story, I didn’t feel it. The trailer shows parts of home life, the typical military experiences of goodbyes and phone calls. The phrase, “not another war movie” was thrown around. But all this still did not prepare me for what The Long Road Home really is.

I was privileged to be at the Fort Hood premiere of The Long Road Home, sitting in the very auditorium the 1st Cav deployed from, sitting amongst the families of those depicted in the movie, and alongside the men that were really there. I count myself lucky in my life, because if we’re honest who wouldn’t want to find themselves sitting at a star-studded event. But, as I sat in that press room it became very clear to me that this was not about them, and that everyone standing in front of me had been forever changed by their experience filming this series. It was the first time I had ever found myself crying while trying to ask a question. More on that on my podcast this week, so make sure you check that out.

Back to the reason we were there. National Geographic has outdone themselves, by joining with Martha Raddatz, author of the book, and screenwriter Mikko Alanne. Everything they had said over and over again last week at the conference I attended, and tonight in the press room was true. The powerful story that was on the screen had very little to do with other war movies I have seen. So much time was spent on the families. It was true, this was different. The downside of all of that being true is that I was sitting there watching my life on the screen. The words coming out of the mouths of the kids on the screen were almost exact reproductions of what has happened in my life. That feeling when your cell phone goes off in the middle of church because no milspouse in her right mind ever turns her phone off for fear of missing THE call. The real anger I felt when the issue of “rumors” was addressed. It was because all of those things had either happened in my life or in the lives of the people I know.

 

As the lights in the auditorium slowly flickered on, after watching the first two episodes, there were tears and hugs around the room. Couples held hands and slowly walked out silent, families held each other close and friends gave each other hugs. Sitting and watching feels like going through something. Its a lot to process, but the process is important. We are heading into eighteen years of this. We hear constantly that the American public is tired, that they are forgetting. I get it. But I hope that the words echoed by many that took part in the creation of this series ring true. That this reminds everyone of what military families go through still. That people can stop and process that these are people and that you don’t have to be pro-war to be pro-military.

I hope you watch, in whatever way you need to. Take your time and really watch what is happening on the screen. You will be changed, that I can promise.

The Long Road Home Premiers Tonight!


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The Lonliness of Being a Military Spouse

I’m coming up on my thirteenth year as a military spouse, almost fifteen as a military “significant other”. It’s a milestone on both parts, and it really cool and makes me very happy. But there’s something else that lingers. In the back of mind, as I go through the day it sits there weighing heavy on my heart. It creeps up in the quietness of the evening and is even hidden in the laughter of my children. It’s loneliness. There’s so much I would tell that me, thirteen years ago. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe it was something she had to learn along the way.

I am so proud of being a military spouse. I’m proud of my husband and his career. It’s a unique one, full of a lot traveling and long hours. Unpredictability is par for the course and for as long as we’ve been together that is how it has been. There’s never been a 9 to 5 or days off you can predict. I’ve never not known loneliness, from the moment I got back from my honeymoon. Dealing with it has been sometimes good, and sometimes very bad. Thrown in depression and anxiety and sometimes its been down right horrendous. Its the thing about this life that you can’t really explain; and its even harder to be mad at the job when the job is to protect our country and the lives of other service members. Sometimes I wish he’d simply travel for some kind of regular job. Then at least I could channel my anger at something. It’s not his fault and he’s doing something I really admire. He selflessly gives of himself, but sometimes I just don’t freaking care!

I wish I could say that I simply pray, read the Bible, do my devotional and I’m able to shake these feelings. While I will honestly say that I don’t know how people go through life without God, sometimes I wish I’d let him help me more through this. But this is the secret price of being a military spouse. Its the one that you think just comes with the territory and its not big deal. He or she is gone, you miss them, you’re sad. You remember your friend, the military spouse. Think about her while their service member is gone. You invite them for a playdate or over for dinner. You give them an extra squeeze when you see them. But after they’ve gone home and they are alone in the quiet, what then? I’d rather take the kids out for errands, cook dinner and do all the cleaning then sit in my house alone one more night. Sometimes I want to kick the wall, throw a plate and scream at the top of my lungs….all at the same time.

That’s the part I ask that you remember. The quiet nights alone. After awhile its not nice to be alone, have control over the tv and stay up. So I take a deep breath, shed a few tears and search my bookcase for nice story about true love to lose myself in.

So if you are a military spouse, I’m thinking of you in the quiet hours of my evening. I sending you love during those particularly difficult times of the evening. And if you aren’t a military significant other, but you have some in your life, I’m asking you to think about those spouses. Take them out for a late night, have a girls night in, offer to have a slumber party. For its these quiet hours of the late night that they need you the most and they may not even realize it.

Rheanna
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Happy 4th of July from the Cammo Style Love Family!!

My favorite holiday is upon us. The special day of the year where I can go all out with the Red, White and Blue! Although, I must admit that all year long I’ve got the Patriotic vibe going on in my home. I love it. So much so that my room is decked out with a Tommy Hilfiger bedspread, statue of liberty photograph and flag pillow. What can I say, I’m a succor for it. We gather together with friends and family and celebrate this amazing country that we live in.

My family has always embraced this holiday. My mom has almost yearly photos of me and my sister on the porch with the flag…one that I try to replicate every year. We went to parades, lit our own fireworks or went out to watch them with a big group of people. There’d be BBQ chicken, potato salad, deviled eggs….the usual suspects. We would cry when we would hear Lee Greenwood sing and couldn’t have been more proud to be an American. 

Now everyday is a reminder of our families connection to our country. The flag that is neatly folded in a frame honoring my husband’s service, the uniforms hung neatly in the closet and the camouflage duffel bag leaning against the wall in his office. The strong feelings of pride that I have for my husband, his career and our country have never been stronger. Its hard, don’t get me wrong; and there are days that I just don’t want to do it – but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love it with all my heart.

I hope you have a wonderful day with family and friends. Celebrate the fact that we are here in this country with freedoms that many can only dream of. I know that times may seem dark, and the road ahead for our country doesn’t seem all that great for many of us. But I still believe in it with all my heart; and I pray continuously that God blesses us and shows himself to us even in the darkest of times.

God Bless America!!

“We identify the flag with almost everything we hold dear on earth, peace, security, liberty, our family, our friends, our home. . .But when we look at our flag and behold it emblazoned with all our rights we must remember that it is equally a symbol of our duties. Every glory that we associate with it is the result of duty done.”
~Calvin Coolidge

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