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depression, military life, military spouse

The Lonliness of Being a Military Spouse

August 12, 2017 2 Comments

I’m coming up on my thirteenth year as a military spouse, almost fifteen as a military “significant other”. It’s a milestone on both parts, and it really cool and makes me very happy. But there’s something else that lingers. In the back of mind, as I go through the day it sits there weighing heavy on my heart. It creeps up in the quietness of the evening and is even hidden in the laughter of my children. It’s loneliness. There’s so much I would tell that me, thirteen years ago. Then again, maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe it was something she had to learn along the way.

I am so proud of being a military spouse. I’m proud of my husband and his career. It’s a unique one, full of a lot traveling and long hours. Unpredictability is par for the course and for as long as we’ve been together that is how it has been. There’s never been a 9 to 5 or days off you can predict. I’ve never not known loneliness, from the moment I got back from my honeymoon. Dealing with it has been sometimes good, and sometimes very bad. Thrown in depression and anxiety and sometimes its been down right horrendous. Its the thing about this life that you can’t really explain; and its even harder to be mad at the job when the job is to protect our country and the lives of other service members. Sometimes I wish he’d simply travel for some kind of regular job. Then at least I could channel my anger at something. It’s not his fault and he’s doing something I really admire. He selflessly gives of himself, but sometimes I just don’t freaking care!

I wish I could say that I simply pray, read the Bible, do my devotional and I’m able to shake these feelings. While I will honestly say that I don’t know how people go through life without God, sometimes I wish I’d let him help me more through this. But this is the secret price of being a military spouse. Its the one that you think just comes with the territory and its not big deal. He or she is gone, you miss them, you’re sad. You remember your friend, the military spouse. Think about her while their service member is gone. You invite them for a playdate or over for dinner. You give them an extra squeeze when you see them. But after they’ve gone home and they are alone in the quiet, what then? I’d rather take the kids out for errands, cook dinner and do all the cleaning then sit in my house alone one more night. Sometimes I want to kick the wall, throw a plate and scream at the top of my lungs….all at the same time.

That’s the part I ask that you remember. The quiet nights alone. After awhile its not nice to be alone, have control over the tv and stay up. So I take a deep breath, shed a few tears and search my bookcase for nice story about true love to lose myself in.

So if you are a military spouse, I’m thinking of you in the quiet hours of my evening. I sending you love during those particularly difficult times of the evening. And if you aren’t a military significant other, but you have some in your life, I’m asking you to think about those spouses. Take them out for a late night, have a girls night in, offer to have a slumber party. For its these quiet hours of the late night that they need you the most and they may not even realize it.

Rheanna

Air Force Reserves, Air National Guard, Army National Guard, Army Reserves, Coast Guard Reserves, Marine Corp Reserve, military spouse, military support, Naval Reserves

Calling All Branches of Guard and Reserve Spouses!!!!!!

August 10, 2016 No Comments

When you think of the National Guard and Reserve what do you think of? Commercials talking about citizen soliders, the phrase “The weekend a month, two weeks in the summer,” and those people called out for earthquakes, riots and floods. But there is so much more to who we are and what we do.

Are you a Guard or Reserve Spouse of the Army, Air Force, Coast Guard, Navy or Marines? Do you live within driving distance of Bordentown, NJ? If you answered yes then you’ll want to continue reading. Words can not express how excited I am about a special event coming to New Jersey in a little over a month. For all of my years as a military spouse I have felt a twinge. One that has stayed with. One of being alone, different and out of place. I have never quite met any common understanding of military life as the wife of an AGR, then Active and now Traditional Status Airmen.We did all of this while remotely stationed at a location with no base housing, no commissary or exchange, or any support programs to speak of. The past fifteen years have been all about learning and adapting. It’s also been about feeling left out, desperately searching for support, hearing the word ‘No’, and hearing the phrase “You’re not active duty so we can’t help you.”

When you are in a room full of military spouses at an event you are more than likely one of a few that are just like you, if not the only one. People don’t understand, even those that you think should often have no clue what its like. Events held for Military Spouse inevitably end up having almost nothing relevant to your struggles, and to hear of an event just for you is just something that rarely happens.

But the wait is over! On September 22 an event is being help for spouses of all branches that are Guard, Reserves, or remotely stationed. At this event you will have the opportunity to network with other spouses, talk about your struggles, learn about resources that are available to you….but most importantly I hope you gain the confidence to advocate for yourself.

If you or someone you know are a Guard/Reserve Spouse, or are maybe on orders isolated away from a traditional base consider coming or spreading the word about SpouseTalks. This interactive event is designed to focus on the unique experiences that make up our unique lives. Each person brings their own unique story to the table and we want to hear that.

Stop by and like Homefront United Network’s Facebook Page, as well as my National Guard/Reserves/Remotely stationed specific page – National Guard Families

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Homefront United Network, military, military spouse, milspouse, Sandboxx, Taya Kyle

When Honor Comes Unexpectedly ~ Meeting Taya Kyle

June 10, 2015 No Comments

On two separate occassions this year I had the tremendous honor to meet Taya Kayle, the wife of the late Chris Kyle {American Sniper}. Although talking with her you would have thought she had the tremendous honor of meeting me. I still can’t quite put into words how I felt to be there, hear her speak, thank my husband and just take in the whole experience. I decided to write about it at Homefront United.

Recently, I had the honor of attending two events that were also attended by a recent

icon in the military spouse community. Thrust into the spotlight by circumstance

beyond her control, in a unique but unfortunately not unique position.

Military spouses as a collective group are smart, compassionate, resilient, caring,

understanding and some of the strongest women I know. The ‘Millies’ in my life, as

I affectionately refer to them, are the backbone of my life, second only to my

civilian church family. There is no one else in the world that I could go to and not have

to explain my feelings or what I’m going through. There is however, a group of

spouses that I couldn’t even classify myself as being on the same level with. They are

the caregivers and widows of the military spouse community.

~continue reading at Homefront United Network

{photo courtesy of Sandboxx}

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Army, Homefront United Network, Medal of Honor, military, military spouse

Read my latest on The HUN

August 12, 2014 No Comments

I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to interview Sgt Ryan Pitts, the latest MOH recipeint, as well as several of his battle buddies. I shared some of their thoughts on Homefront United Network this week. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback on there by leaving comments and sharing the article.

http://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/MOH-CEREMONY-01.jpg

Image credit: (REYNALDO LEAL/U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs)
Please read the VA Blog!

Medal of Honor Recipient, Ryan Pitts, Honors Spouses and Family…

During the Battle of Wanat, one of the fiercest battles of the war, Staff Sergeant Ryan Pitts was the sole survivor of his outpost; but fought alongside many others. On July 21st, SSG Pitts received the Congressional Medal of Honor for Valor during a ceremony held at the White House. Shortly after receiving our Nation’s highest military honor, former SSG Pitts sat down with several battle buddies in the Pentagon. Pitts sat alongside First Sergeant David Dzwik, Major Mathew Meyer, Brian Hissong and Mike Denton, all of whom were with him that day in Afghanistan.

Honoring the nine that died that day sheds the light on the kind of person Ryan Pitts is and has become. Before accepting the award, Pitts made it clear he would only attend and accept if the families of his fallen brothers from that day were also in attendance. The White House made that happen.

read the rest by heading over to The HUN…..

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military life, military spouse, stay at home mom

PS: I’m not a Career Martyr

July 18, 2014 No Comments

Don’t get me wrong, military spouses with careers rock! They really do, and I firmly believe that all the work and progress that is being made, and all that has been accomplished is so important. For all the spouses that are nurses, lawyers, teachers, that have worked so hard to get where they are at – they should be able to go anywhere and not have to waste time and money getting re-certified. All of it is good. But life is like a pendulum right? I’m sure it’s part of my insecurities but so many people assume that I’m not working because either I can’t find a job or I’m an oppressed housewife. That I couldn’t possibly think that it is better for me to stay home and raise my children. Trust me, I’m not being locked up in the house. There are times I think about working, or the fact I’m not using my degree, or what will I do later. But for the most part I personally don’t understand paying for someone else to watch my children. I know that lots of people have to, and I realize lots of people want to. Working is empowering, a wonderful use of skills and knowledge. Many of the military spouses that I know that work are effecting real change in people’s lives by their work. People that choose to work are no less valid then me, and I’m in way passing judgement on your choices. I just want mine to be just as valid. I don’t want to have to add “not that it isn’t to you” or “not that your children aren’t important to you as well” after every sentence…so just know that I think those things and that I know them to be true.

But sometimes I wonder if there is less and less value being placed on those of us who don’t. I feel like those of us that are home are constantly being portrayed as the suffering housewife, who care too much about their husband’s job, like we carrying around the 1950’s Military Spouse Handbook and wear pearls while we clean (But I totally do because I think it’s wonderful) It is important for us to raise our children, and that (to us) outweighs anything else. I work on my blog and just started freelancing. I’ve had so many opportunities to attend press events, but I’ve also had to miss things because I could get a babysitter or couldn’t afford one. I am blessed that staying home is just as important to my husband as it is to me. We may not live a glamorous lifestyle, we can’t do a ton of traveling and lots of other little things that don’t need to be discussed on a blog. We don’t own a home and right now we have one car.

My husband’s career hasn’t made me a martyr, and quite enjoy just being a wife and mother. I really feel like this is what I’m called to do. Sometimes its not easy and I think about what it might be like to go out into the work force, or work more from home and put the kids in day care at least part time. It would be crazy of me to not think like that. It’s around me everywhere….and who couldn’t help but think maybe I’M the one that is doing it wrong. Maybe I am suppressing myself and making it all about my husband’s life and career? But then I think, “no, being a wife and mother, keeping the homefront together, supporting him and his life isn’t any less valid.” My personal beliefs and convictions are this, but I understand that not everyone shares that view. And that’s okay, as long as what we are doing is okay too. I don’t want other wives and moms out there to think that they should be working if they don’t really want to. To think that some day they will wake up bitter and angry for being forced into a homemaker role they didn’t want. If you are like me you won’t. Life will open doors and windows for you as it has me. By volunteering and meeting people I have been provided with opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, to do things I couldn’t do if I were in any other position in life then I am now.

So if you read this and you see all the career stuff and it makes you second guess where you think you should be, with where the pendulum is swinging right now…stop…breathe…and think. When there is so much focus on a particular topic, people tend to feel like they should be right there with it. That isn’t always the case and that’s okay! And as a side note, the article that I originally heard this is was in no way I’m sure trying to say that women are being oppressed and don’t realize it. I just wanted to use the term as a way to highlight the fact not everyone is. And you can’t pass up using a cool term like that to grab people’s attention right?

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