How to Survive a Real Life Bad Moms Club

When I sat in the theater and watched Bad Moms I laughed right along with everyone else at the crazy things Christina Applegate’s character did. We said things, “oh my gosh, we totally know what that’s like!” Which mom am I? Am I the cookie baking mom, the mom that runs around and feels like she’s hanging by the thread, or am I the mom that everyone thinks is perfect. We all laughed because while we all thought the joke was funny there was a little part of me that was thinking “now this hits to close to home”. I could cry thinking about it, and have spent many nights looking at the places on my head where my hair has fallen out. The stress is nothing like the movie. You can’t just simply do what Mila Kunis did in the movie and everything is magically better. Looking back over the almost two years I’m not sure how I survived everything. But I’ve come out on the other side with amazing friends, an amazing job and maybe something I’ll think I’m better for it. But as I was talking to another friend of mine we shared how scared we both were to actually say anything. We were perfectly fine to get tormented and watch others, but the thought of sticking up for ourselves and others actually scared us. Seriously?! What is wrong with us?! Truth is, seeing as how I totally get it, I’m not sure. So how do you survive?

  1. Prayer – I don’t know if you’re the kind who prays. But I am. So I pray. For the right words, the calmness and strength. I don’t want to be a martyr, to stand there and take it and come off like some holier than though pious freak. But I still want to do the right thing. The only way I know how to do all that is to pray.
  2. Talk About It – whether that is to my husband, my mom or my friends, talking about it helps. I get to work out all the things that I wished I said, I should never say but need to get out of my system, or get feedback. I want nothing more than to make things right so talking about things with save people usually helps me reach that.
  3. Surround Yourself with People – You hope and pray that you’ve chosen well and surrounded yourself with the right people. Mistakes are made and no one is perfect but having the right people around you is crucial. I really don’t know how I could have made it. The worst is when you think you’ve surrounded yourself with the right people and you realize you haven’t. Hold the people that are there for you even closer.
  4. Forgive – No matter how much you want to not forgive, you have to for you. I’m not a pro at doing this. Its really hard for me. I don’t do it well. File this under things I’m still working on.
  5. Move On – For me that came from unfriending and deactivating my Facebook page. For me that drastic of a step had to be taken. I didn’t know how to do it otherwise. Unfortunately you can’t always wish that these people disappear, and you are sometimes in situations where you have to be around these people and you can’t escape. So do what you can to remove them from your life. In our crazy social media led world we’ve developed this inability to hit the “unfriend” button. So we just let the list keep on growing no matter what the status is of these people in your life. Chances are that if you are feeling like you want to unfriend them they aren’t worth having around in your life to begin with. Why is this such a hard concept for us? Also a question I don’t know the answer to.

I don’t have all the answers, and writing this was really about getting it….or number two on my list. Even if no one ever reads this it helps to see what I need to do right in front of me. To be honest with myself, learn from things and finally get to number five. Its hard when you can’t completely shut that world out of your life. You have to find a way to deal with ugly people and ugly things in your life. We have to encourage each other, life each other up but also know when to bow out. One of the most amazing things that my beloved pastor said to me was that God doesn’t call us to be “friends” with everyone. We are called to love our brothers and sisters in Christ, follow the ten commandments, do unto others. But the Devil has a funny way of working himself him to situations that appear one way but are really the other. We get caught up in the fact that we must be good people, do the right thing…..but before we know it we are a shadow of our former selves, broken and sad. All for what we think is friendship and the right thing to do!

 

I know I’m not alone and I’m here if anyone wants to share their story. Life isn’t like a movie, but man it feels good to laugh at one.

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The Art of Saying No

This has been a long long lesson in my life, a lesson that I think I’ve had to relearn as I’ve gone through different stages of my life.  Sometimes I have a really hard time saying no.  I want to be and am often the person that gets brought in on things because I’m reliable and I do things right the first time.  Its not even about tooting my own horn, you probably are that person too.  Its part of who you are right?  You might also be the person that cares what people think of you, in the sense that you don’t want people to be disappointed with you and it eats away at you.  Sometimes I still feel like that girl, and I know when its happening to me.  I call one of my bff’s in particular (she’s like me) and we talk about what we’re thinking and about how ridiculous we are.  Its kind of like a mini therapy session and I love her for it.  Where’s this all going?  Well, Sunday during our small group I was having a conversation with a mom about saying no.  A light went off behind her eyes and I knew….I knew she was just like me.

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keeping this smile on his face is priority #1!

I said before that I go through stages of relearning, but it was about 6 years ago when I had my biggest revelation.  My oldest wasn’t very old and if you’ve read my blog before you would have read about my struggle with PPD after his birth.  It was during this time that I was struggling with finding the balance in my life.  I knew that I was doing too much but I was hugely conflicted about what my role was, is, should be.  It was a disaster.  A group of us were discussing the different ways we use our gifts and how we are working in the church.  One person flat out told me that what I was doing wasn’t enough and I needed to be doing more.  I was crushed and I turned to another friend and poured my heart out.  It was then that my revelation was on its way, in the voice of my friend.

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Friends get you through the toughest times!

We need to find the best way to use our gifts so we don’t go crazy.  I believe that we are called to serve. Yes!  But I also believe that we are all called to serve in different ways, at different times, and to use our gifts to serve.  There is no way that I believe that God would want me to sacrifice my children, my home and my husband to put myself in every job out there.  At the time I was part of the worship team, serving as a table leader for MOPS and pregnant with my second.  My husband was never home and I was pushing myself too hard.  I wasn’t succeeding at anything and it was taking its toll.  I needed to be able to say no and be okay with that.  It didn’t matter what anyone else thought.  It only mattered what was in my heart and in my home, and my relationship with God.  Once I centered myself a huge burden was taken from me.  So, I decided to go where I thought I was best suited, the nursery.  My kids were with me, I could do it whether the hubby was around or not and I had fun.  The ladies that were in there were so wonderful to me and my children.  
Find your gift, find how to use it in a way that fits into the stage of life your in.  It doesn’t have to be the same all the time.  It might work for you forever.  And guess what, that’s okay!!!  Being a mom can be hard enough without us putting this immense pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone all the time.  Its not physically healthy, mentally healthy or spiritually healthy.  We have to find our role in life, in the home and in our life of service.
Do you struggle with this as I do?  How has saying no been beneficial in your life?!

Thursday Favorite Things weekly Blog Hop 

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