Rhe’s Bookshelf: PTSD: A Spouse’s Perspective

There are some books you read that you just don’t know what to do with them.  What do you say?  How do review it?  This is one of those books, and I’m frankly still not sure where this review is going to take me.  I’m fairly certain that this is the first time I almost decided to not review the book at all.  But, then I realized that this is my job, and this is what I’m supposed to be doing for my readers.  The topic of PTS, or PTSD, is such a huge deal right now, which is the reason I chose this book.  I know it may pop in the searches of spouses looking for books and resources on the topic.  Ultimately that is why I decided to choose the book, as well as follow through with the review.

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Has PTSD invaded your world?

Are you always walking on eggshells? Feel like nothing you do is right? Are you the victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse? Are you in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD? Then this book is a must-read for you. There is hope!
 So many spouses of PTSD sufferers have the false belief that nobody can understand what they are going through. Believe me when I say, you are not alone. There are literally thousands of victims just like you. Facing the same issues everyday that you are facing.

This book is written for you, the spouse, to offer hope by giving you detailed knowledge of PTSD and Secondary PTSD and also offer you coping mechanisms for living in a world of PTSD.

What I Thought: I feel like this book set out meaning well.  There was so much of me that was craving a good book about this very topic, from a spouse’s perspective.  I wasn’t looking for some clinical book, but a REAL book.  You know, something that said, “I know where you are coming from, and feel what you feel.”  This book was terrible, and didn’t meet any of my expectations.  It upsets me to speak so negatively about someone that has gone through something that I know is very real, but there are many reasons why this book just didn’t work.  For one, the style in which the book was written was all over the place.  It wasn’t written like a memoir, but wasn’t written in a clinical manner either.  Part of the problem with the book is the writers own PTS, and secondary PTS.  This caused the book to have an overtly angry tone that was very difficult to break through.  I felt sad and depressed after reading it, not uplifted.  It was so conflicting because I so wanted to find connection with this book.  It just wasn’t there.  However, despite all that there was one nugget within the pages that really struck a cord with me.  At one point the writer spoke about viewing the treatment of the spouse, by the person suffering with the PTSD, as abuse.  It was with that knowledge that she was able to protect herself and seek the help she needed.  Now, it comes off weird.  When a service member comes home with PTS, after experiencing the things he/she has, its not their fault.  And while the author did a poor job of verbalizing it, by viewing the treatment as abusive (with the malicious intent that we see in abuse normally) she was able to better deal with what was happen.  If it could have been explained in a better way, it would have been just the best part of the book.
Rating: One Star
disclaimer: I received this book in partnership with Booksneeze.  I was not compensated in any other way, and am only asked to give my open and honest opinion.  My thoughts and feelings are my own.

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#MilitaryMonday The Wingman Project and Real Warriors Campaign

It’s the last day of September, therefore the last day of Suicide Prevention Awareness Month (check out my post here); so now do we just move on to the next awareness month?  I get the idea of awareness months, but sometimes I worry that after that month passes, it will be forgotten.  People tend to take up the mantle of a cause when its cool or profitable, and then it eventually falls by the wayside.  For those that are living through these sorts of things, one month of recognition just simply isn’t enough.

I wanted to highlight some resources that concentrate on keeping this issue at the forefront all the time.  It isn’t until issues of mental health because a concern all the time, that things will change.  There shouldn’t be a negative stigma attached to someone living well.  As someone that has personally struggled with depression and anxiety

The Wingman Project, of the Air National Guard – 


was created in August 2007 by the Deputy Director of Safety of the Air National Guard as a collaborative solution, including chaplains, family support, medical community, and safety, for all Airmen and their families to address suicide intervention. Since then, the project has been endorsed by the US Air Force and the Department of Defense, receiving an HQ Air Force “Best Practice” in July 2009. 
On their website you can access ACE training for family and friends, and also request comprehensive ACE training, where you could then train others to be a Wingman.  
The New StepUp Campaign encourages everyone to spread the word about the Wingman project and suicide prevention awareness.  Learn ACE, download the mobile app and find your local DPH.  Talking about it, and not sweeping it under the rug is the way to make it “normal” and acceptable!

I met some of these wonderful people this summer at the National Training Seminar for Military Child Education Coalition.
The Acadia Military Support Services Program is specially designed to help our Active Duty Service Members and their families focus on healing from the trauma of living through life-threatening events and human tragedy while courageously performing their military duties to maintain our freedom.  Our highly qualified professionals stand ready to provide first-class mental health care, and unequaled substance abuse recovery and rehabilitation through  our network of TRICARE certified facilities.
There’s a wide range of resources and treatments available through this program, and they are prepared to handle anything that comes their way.  They have compassion and love for our troops and their families; and providing care in a stress-free and safe environment is their goal.  They have residential treatment facilities scattered about the US, and provide assistance to the service member and their families from all five branches including the Public Health Service and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association.
The Real Warriors Campaign is a multimedia public awareness campaign designed to encourage help-seeking behavior among service members, veterans and military families coping with invisible wounds. Launched by the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury (DCoE) in 2009, the campaign is an integral part of the Defense Department’s overall effort to encourage warriors and families to seek appropriate care and support for psychological health concerns.
What I love the most about the Real Warriors Campaign is that they feature, and regularly talk about, real service members that have sought out mental health and psychological treatment.  I think that really is 
the best way to address this issue.  These real warriors have continued on with successful military careers, maintaining security clearances and learning coping skills to do all those things.  They also provide confidential assistance through phone, live chat and email in partnership with the Defense Centers of Excellence Outreach Center.
Service Members can log into service member forums to talk with men and women who have 
been where you are.
I wish I could post every single video and PSA.  I urge you to watch more of them, spread the word, show them to your friends, husbands, wives, friends….

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The Military – an inhospitable environment?

In a sort of funny way, one might look at the title of this post and there might be elbow jabbing amongst wives as we say to ourselves, “of course it is, they make it really hard.”  It’s true if you think about it.  We, as the family, are just pawns  in the game, a game we aren’t in control of.  For all intents and purposes it is inhospitable.  It’s not an easy thing.  For the most part we go and do as we’re told.  We have to be spunky, and creative and patient beyond belief.  As your average run of the mill spouse, I’ve been through a lot.  It’s a path I’ve chosen for myself and nothing really has gone exactly as planned. 

         One of my dear friends is the wife of a Wounded Warrior.  It’s an invisible wound, but a wound none the less.  She’s been through even more than I have.  Wives are typically not part of the process, at least in her case.  It took entirely too long before she was included.  She’s not the one that signed the papers or raised her hand..I get it. Half the time it seems that those that did raise their hands don’t even want to be a part of the process, and if they do they cant’ be properly heard because of the set up.  I can not begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard fear expressed over careers if they were to become involved in the process.  The process is broken.  A fabulous MilSpouse, Kristle at Forget the Dog, Not the Baby, does some amazing work with wounded vets and issues of TBI and PTS.  I personally think she’s pretty darn amazing.  She knows a lot more about this stuff then I do, but even someone like me with my limited experience in this department knows that what is going on here is wrong.  There are so many amazing bloggers out there that bring things like this to the forefront.  Wife, Widow of a Wounded Marine, who also recently started a Widows for Wounded program, writes candidly about her experiences.  After Blast Warrior Wife talks plainly about her experience as the wife of a physically wounded soldier.

         There’s been some articles that I’ve come across lately that always brought the phrase “inhospitable environment” to mind.  Last week, on LATimes.com there was an article and sexual assaults in the military.  Not an new phenomenon by any stretch of the imagination, which makes it even more sad.  Different then what Warriors with injuries from war have experienced, but with similar symptoms and traumas.  Something else similar – this monster that tells them to buck up, fly right and be a Soldier – Airmen, Marine or what have you.  This fear of compromising their livelihood, their careers, their reputations.  This organization with such legacy, that protects our freedoms, keeps us safe – this is the same place where people feel unsafe, unprotected.  I’ve been through lots of psychology classes, working for my degree –  and it just amazes me that it didn’t dawn on someone sooner that happy and healthy soldiers, make better soldiers.  I realize change takes time.  We’ve seen it before, the integration of other races, women and other changes that have taken place – they all take time.  I get this too.  I just wish this change would have started sooner.  I wonder though what it was like back in the day, something I’d really like to do research on.  We haven’t made enough changes, but at the same time so much has changed.  Technology and medical advances had changed so much.  Assistance programs like Wounded Warriors and so many others had made things progress so far.  I wonder what it must have been like for my grandfathers.  One of them was a top turret gunner in the Army Air Corp during WWII.  I know he experienced things far beyond my understandings.  Deployments were longer and harder.  No communications, no phone calls, no fancy chow halls or places to do laundry.  I can’t imagine things being any easier then they are now.  People got hurt, PTS, TBI…without all the things we DO have today.  I can’t imagine.  I know we are lucky.  But is it enough?

         As cheesy as it sounds, one step in front of the other.  Banding together to make change.  We need brave men and women to keep stepping forward.  We need husbands and wives to keep stepping forward.  We need PEOPLE  to keep stepping forward.  I think many Military Spouses will admit that they thought about what they would do, how they would react, if something happened to their soldier.  But why wait until then to talk about it?  I may not have direct experience, but I think the problem is that too many people wait because they feel like they have no room to talk because they haven’t experienced it.  People in the situation have a hard time finding that voice.  Not everyone is as driven and loud as some of those ladies I’ve had the pleasure of reading in the blogsophere.  My friend that I spoke of earlier, felt lost, isolated and usure of where to go.  No friends, no family, and no support.

        So I guess this post is part awareness, part sharing, part challenge.  How can you, whoever you are, your average joe, military spouse, child, sister, brother, cousin, whatever…how can you help?  How can we change things?

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