Maybe the housewives weren’t so bad…..

Like I’m sure many of you have, I have gotten sucked into the Downton Abbey craze.  I’m already a succor for period movies and shows.  Something about the costumes, the hair, the language – clearly I look at it through rose-colored glasses.  At times it was like watching a train-wreck.  I spent most of the time laughing or being really annoyed by the whole “I can’t dress myself or do my hair” attitude.  What really sent me over the edge was when Mr. Lord of Downton decided that Thomas couldn’t help himself because he was born that way, and didn’t turn him in, but was almost physically ill at the thought of walking into a Catholic Church and having his grand-daughter baptized in it.  Am I really expected to believe that?  Har-de-har-har!  When the next season rolls around I’m sure I’ll be sitting there, ready and waiting to be sucked in…but I’m also sure that the whole “Matthew sees the girl that Mary really could be” will still cause me to roll my eyes, although I have high hopes for her character.

But, it made me think.  All these women, generations of women that didn’t do anything.  Literally, they didn’t do anything.  They weren’t a Stay at Home Mom because they didn’t take care of their kids, and they weren’t a Working Mom because they stayed at home.  The poorest of poor, obviously didn‘t have this luxury, but when I watched more and also thought back on many other period movies that I’ve seen, even the marginally rich, still had servants and really didn’t take care of their kids either. They didn’t change diapers or really play with their children.  They didn’t teach them and they had wet nurses for crying out loud.  Those that were up the upper class wouldn’t have taught their children to cook or clean, and would have expected them to continue on with that.


So, maybe those housewives of the fourties and fifties weren’t all these mindless females that were just listening to some man tell them what to do.  It is clear to me that they were anything but that.  The contributed to the wars – even as far back as the Civil War, when husbands and fathers were gone for years!!!  Look at the women during WWII, seriously, women are awesome that’s for sure.  You’ll find no argument from me on this.  So after generations of women doing nothing, then women doing everything…what if they just didn’t want to do everything?  What if they wanted to stay at home and raise their children because they missed out on it.  What if they saw how crazy life had been for them in previous years and decided once they had kids they weren’t going to do that anymore.  Maybe they weren’t made to stay home, what if they truly had wanted to do something else with their lives but once they had kids, realizing that their mother’s weren’t around, or because they had been busy, they wanted to be around for their kids.

It may seem like I’m over-simplifying a very complex thing, spanning generations, caste systems, countries and life-styles.  But the second it came to my head it was like a light-bulb switched on.  It really, really hit me after watching Mary Poppins.  So crazy, I know, but the mother in the movie is in the middle of fighting for women’s rights.  There’s a whole song that she sings at the beginning about it.  “Our daughter’s daughters will adore us, and they’ll sing in grateful chorus…..”  It sort of struck me as funny.  She’s in the middle of hunting for a nanny because she can’t find one to raise her children…….if I was going to get all psychological on ya’ll I would probably wager to guess that if the kids had had consistency and a firm and loving hand (ie: their mom and dad) then maybe they wouldn’t need Mary Poppins.  This really isn’t meant to be a commentary on today’s SAHM/Working Moms….this isn’t me trying to pick a fight.  Its just me saying maybe this is where those fifties housewives were coming from.  Maybe they weren’t so bad after all and we should give them a break.

File:Donna Reed Show cast 1958.JPG 

Its Hump Day!

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What’s wrong with being a mom….

         This topic is as old as the day is long, and it’s been done so many times before.  But I can’t help it.  Everytime I see a story/article where a women writer is bashing another woman it makes me just foam at the mouth.  I’m not going to deny that perhaps my religious beliefs don’t play a roll in how I feel, but I personally know another mom who has the complete opposite beliefs in religion as I do, but our view on being a mother and parenting are right in line with each other.  I am so tired of women bashing women.  I’m so tired of being accused of being some sort of 1950s Stepford Wife, trying to keep women down.  It absolutely infuriates me.  It makes me so mad I could just spit.  Why in the heck would one mean the other?  Frankly, I don’t see what is wrong with wanting to stay at home and provide the best that I can for my children.  What is wrong with me wanting to fully support my husband’s career?  What is wrong with making dinner for my family, doing the laundry and most of the cleaning?  I argue that nothing is wrong with any of those things?  What’s more, why am I subjected to thoughts that aren’t my own if I say that.  Somehow I become so old fashioned woman basher if I don’t think that everyone women should just do whatever they want regardless of whether or not they have kids.  And that somehow my husband is probably brainwashing me, and that’s the only possible way that I could come to these facts and opinions on my own.  That every women in the 1940s and 50s was some oppressed person.

         I’m not an idiot, I’m not going to deny that there were plenty of cases where women were forced to do things they didn’t want to do.  I get it.  But did anyone ever stop to think that maybe a woman’s biggest enemy is another woman?  Having a personal belief these days only subjects you to a lecture about how are basically against woman’s right and ability to do anything for herself.  No.  I’m not against women being educated, or working or anything like that.  I have a degree and had I not gotten pregnant my last semester in college I would have gone to work.  I plan on working once all my children are in school in school and grown.  Yes, my husband and I both prefer that I am home to raise the children.  Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to raise my children myself?  Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to spend money letting someone spend more time with my children than I do?  I get that some people don’t have a choice, for a long time my mom wasn’t at home.  I don’t think those women or my mother are some horrible slacker of a mom.  It doesn’t seem so hard for me to believe that while I feel personally that my place is at home, and at the same time not pass horrible judgements on someone who doesn’t choose that life for themselves.

         How do we know what Ward Cleaver did or didn’t do?  What if he was the one that taught his kids to tie their shoes, throw baseballs, change tires, mow laws, clip bushes, taught his sons the value of women – how they are to be honored and treasured.  Why do we assume that because a women back then may have done most of the cooking and cleaning that the men in their life thought of them as nothing more than slaves?  I happen to believe that men and women are designed differently.  That we have different strengths and weaknesses.  My husband doesn’t cleaning, does laundry and spends time with the kids without me around.  But he does it differently.  He talks with them differently.  He knows and does things that I don’t.  Little girls are continually being taught that they can do anything, but be a mom.  Little boys are basically taught that opening doors for girls is wrong and that girls can open their own freaking doors.  Opening a door for a girl must mean you’re a sexists jerk face.  We don’t let boys be boys, even from a young age.  We need to celebrate each others strengths and weaknesses.  I think that’s what this world needs.

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Sunday Social Week 8!

Well, I can say with absolutely certainity that Sunday has really become my favorite blogging day.  This week has been one of the roughest in a long time, and I just haven’t felt like putting anything out there, and didn’t think anything would have been good to put out there.  But I feel like I’m almost over the hump (fingers crossed) and writing up a Sunday Social couldn’t hurt.  Thanks Ashley and Neely for another great link up. Make sure to check out those girls.

Some quick housekeeping around here.  I’ve got a new blog design that will be unveiled soon and I’m super excited about it.  In fact, I’m tingling with excitement!  I was also just nominated for a Top Military Mom Blog by Circle of Moms.  First time I’ve been nominated so I’m super excited.  If you think I’m pretty awesome I’d love the vote.  Or check out the other amazing blogs nominated because there are a lot.  There’s a voting button on the left under the blog button.  Thanks so much.  And I’m not afraid to beg so, I’d super de duper with a cherry on top, love for you to think me awesome enough to follow.  And I will definitely return the favor!  Now onto the fun.

Sunday Social
I don’t know how it could be more fun then last week because we spent the day discussing my fav love – PURSES!!  But, this week’s link-up is pretty darn awesome.  And after filling it out I have to say that I am one lucky girl.
1. What is your dream job?

If I was totally honest and didn’t reply MOM (because really it was my dream to one day afford the luxury of being a stay at home mom and not be destitude.  Thank you to my fab hubby for making that dream come true when we were so young)…..I would have to reply Parole/Probation Sentence Recommendation.  It is probably the best mix-up of all the Criminal Justice jobs.  You get to do a lot of investigating, be involved in the court system and the prison system.  It something one day I’d really hope to do.

Me and my BFF and fellow CJ major with my first son in 2006

2. If you won the lottery and didn’t need to work, how would you spend your time?

I would spend my time doing much of the same that I am now, although I think I would volunteer more because I could afford a babysitter more often then I can now.  I would definitely also spend more time traveling and visiting anything and everything historical that we have to wait, plan and budget for now.

Me and the hubbs visting a Slave Cemetary in West Virginia in 2005

3. When You were a kid what did you want to be?

I’m pretty sure it was dancer/ballerina. And I’ve got to say that I did pretty good in that category too..partially anyway.  I was able to dance en Pointe for years, be a part of a Youth Ballet Company, dancing in Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland and Sleeping Beauty.  I even spent a couple years teaching and received awards for my choreography.  So,even though I may not have made it to the big times, I accomplished all that before I was 20.

Me at 17

Me at 4

4. What kind of career advice would you give someone just starting out in your field?

for Mom I would say – don’t listen to the drama and don’t get caught up in comparisons. You are valuable, you are contributing to society…and no matter how many people think you might be lazy, and just laying around eating bon bons and baking pies all day – we SAHM’s know the truth

for dancer I would say, stick with your passion and make it work for you.  I so desired the ability to make it,but the dance world doesn’t care if you have the perfect feet and legs if you don’t also have the perfect size boobs – which is none.  So find a way to make it happen for you.  Choreography was my way.

for Criminal Justice – work hard, do the right thing and be fair and just.

5. What are your biggest pet peeves in life, blogging and work?

Drama, drama drama! You can’t escape it becaue there is someone that loves it, everywhere!  Surround yourself with amazing and wonderful people and you will be sure to either avoid it, or recover from it much faster.

6. What are your biggest fears?

Well one of them is really what do I do when all the kids are in school?  How do I break back in the “world” so to speak?  Sigh….I dunno yet.  Failing my children, losing my husband and most heights 😉

Me and the hubbs in 2002

My first two munchkins in 2008


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Military Monday – Own It!

marine parents

Well it’s time for the Military Monday blog hop.  I always feel compelled to come up with something fabulous, LOL, but seriously, who can get a jump on a Monday when you’re trying to have fun on the weekend.   The hubbs is heading out for several weeks this week, so that’s kind of a bummer.  And he’s working all the way up to it so Saturday and Sunday were it.  Brian will turn six while he is gone and then his parents come for a visit.  So it will be quite crazy.  In the mean time I will be trying to get the house together for their arrival, which includes trying to finish my first major DIY project.  Another “seriously” goes off in my brain!

What you’re staring at is table legs that have been repaired and are wrapped in plastic, a table – not attached to the legs – leaning up against the wall, and already freshly painted and reupholstered chairs waiting for the table and legs to join them and be all freshly painted.

As I was thinking of something fabulous to write  I thought to myself, why not just write about this?  It may not be super fab, or extremely profound in any way, but it’s life.  It’s nothing spectacular or life altering.  I read so many very fab and extremely profound blogs, at least to me.  Usually I get all up in my head and get all “super girly” (not to be mistaken for Super Girl) and wonder why in the heck am I writing about this stupid stuff when there is so much more profound things going on?  Yeah, I just used the word profound like three times in two sentences.  But…..then I think,  “I look for blogs of people going through what I’m going through.”  The normal day to day of the military life. 

         When we moved here we bought a ton of furniture – bunk bed, three bookshelves, couch, coffee table – I put them all together by myself.  Now, I know plenty of mom’s do this, and I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything; but at least I can get a pat on the back.  It’s just life.  It’s my life.  I chose it and I’m living it.  I encourage all moms that live this life to own it man!!  Most importantly though, don’t get caught up in comparisons.  So many women in general get caught up in comparisons.  There’s the parenting comparison,e working mom/SAHM comparison, the single mom comparison.  For me personally I’ve experiencedthe branch comparison, the deployment comparison, the Guard/Reserve vs Active Duty comparison and the civilian vs military comparison.  ALL are dangerous in my opinion.  When we start comparing who has it harder, the 6 month or the 12 month deployment, that when we are missing the point.  I mean, I’ve had easy and hard times.  Does the mom with three kids have a harder time then the brand new wife that spent three weeks with her husband before he was shipped off?  People have said to me, “I don’t know how you do it?  Being a military spouse is the hardest thing ever.”  Now, while I appreciate the sentiment and when someone spouts of about “what are military spouses complaining about, it’s not hard,” I’m the first to want to snap back at them.  What about police officer or firefighter’s spouses.  While my husband might face dangerous situations for month-long periods, police man face potentially deadly situations every day!  A traffic stop can turn into something more in the blink of an eye.

So don’t get caught up in comparisons because it never leads anywhere good, have compassion for whatever situation your friends might be going through – weather it be two weeks of training which become a nightmare because you have an into everything two year old, a weekend training where the mom has to put together a bunk bed because her five year old just can’t wait another second, a six month deployment, or just a regular work day that he can’t miss even though you are as sick as a dog and there’s a mountain of laundry piled up.  This is our life, we have to own it.  We live it so why not live it the best way you know how?  Doesn’t mean you have to wallow in it, nor should you hide your feelings because you know someone out there is dealing with something worse than you; there’s always something worse. 

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