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PS: I’m not a Career Martyr

Don’t get me wrong, military spouses with careers rock! They really do, and I firmly believe that all the work and progress that is being made, and all that has been accomplished is so important. For all the spouses that are nurses, lawyers, teachers, that have worked so hard to get where they are at – they should be able to go anywhere and not have to waste time and money getting re-certified. All of it is good. But life is like a pendulum right? I’m sure it’s part of my insecurities but so many people assume that I’m not working because either I can’t find a job or I’m an oppressed housewife. That I couldn’t possibly think that it is better for me to stay home and raise my children. Trust me, I’m not being locked up in the house. There are times I think about working, or the fact I’m not using my degree, or what will I do later. But for the most part I personally don’t understand paying for someone else to watch my children. I know that lots of people have to, and I realize lots of people want to. Working is empowering, a wonderful use of skills and knowledge. Many of the military spouses that I know that work are effecting real change in people’s lives by their work. People that choose to work are no less valid then me, and I’m in way passing judgement on your choices. I just want mine to be just as valid. I don’t want to have to add “not that it isn’t to you” or “not that your children aren’t important to you as well” after every sentence…so just know that I think those things and that I know them to be true.

But sometimes I wonder if there is less and less value being placed on those of us who don’t. I feel like those of us that are home are constantly being portrayed as the suffering housewife, who care too much about their husband’s job, like we carrying around the 1950’s Military Spouse Handbook and wear pearls while we clean (But I totally do because I think it’s wonderful) It is important for us to raise our children, and that (to us) outweighs anything else. I work on my blog and just started freelancing. I’ve had so many opportunities to attend press events, but I’ve also had to miss things because I could get a babysitter or couldn’t afford one. I am blessed that staying home is just as important to my husband as it is to me. We may not live a glamorous lifestyle, we can’t do a ton of traveling and lots of other little things that don’t need to be discussed on a blog. We don’t own a home and right now we have one car.

My husband’s career hasn’t made me a martyr, and quite enjoy just being a wife and mother. I really feel like this is what I’m called to do. Sometimes its not easy and I think about what it might be like to go out into the work force, or work more from home and put the kids in day care at least part time. It would be crazy of me to not think like that. It’s around me everywhere….and who couldn’t help but think maybe I’M the one that is doing it wrong. Maybe I am suppressing myself and making it all about my husband’s life and career? But then I think, “no, being a wife and mother, keeping the homefront together, supporting him and his life isn’t any less valid.” My personal beliefs and convictions are this, but I understand that not everyone shares that view. And that’s okay, as long as what we are doing is okay too. I don’t want other wives and moms out there to think that they should be working if they don’t really want to. To think that some day they will wake up bitter and angry for being forced into a homemaker role they didn’t want. If you are like me you won’t. Life will open doors and windows for you as it has me. By volunteering and meeting people I have been provided with opportunities beyond my wildest dreams, to do things I couldn’t do if I were in any other position in life then I am now.

So if you read this and you see all the career stuff and it makes you second guess where you think you should be, with where the pendulum is swinging right now…stop…breathe…and think. When there is so much focus on a particular topic, people tend to feel like they should be right there with it. That isn’t always the case and that’s okay! And as a side note, the article that I originally heard this is was in no way I’m sure trying to say that women are being oppressed and don’t realize it. I just wanted to use the term as a way to highlight the fact not everyone is. And you can’t pass up using a cool term like that to grab people’s attention right?

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What’s wrong with being a mom….

This topic is as old as the day is long, and it’s been done so many times before. But I can’t help it. Everytime I see a story/article where a women writer is bashing another woman it makes me just foam at the mouth. I’m not going to deny that perhaps my religious beliefs don’t play a roll in how I feel, but I personally know another mom who has the complete opposite beliefs in religion as I do, but our view on being a mother and parenting are right in line with each other. I am so tired of women bashing women. I’m so tired of being accused of being some sort of 1950s Stepford Wife, trying to keep women down. It absolutely infuriates me. It makes me so mad I could just spit. Why in the heck would one mean the other? Frankly, I don’t see what is wrong with wanting to stay at home and provide the best that I can for my children. What is wrong with me wanting to fully support my husband’s career? What is wrong with making dinner for my family, doing the laundry and most of the cleaning? I argue that nothing is wrong with any of those things? What’s more, why am I subjected to thoughts that aren’t my own if I say that. Somehow I become so old fashioned woman basher if I don’t think that everyone women should just do whatever they want regardless of whether or not they have kids. And that somehow my husband is probably brainwashing me, and that’s the only possible way that I could come to these facts and opinions on my own. That every women in the 1940s and 50s was some oppressed person.

I’m not an idiot, I’m not going to deny that there were plenty of cases where women were forced to do things they didn’t want to do. I get it. But did anyone ever stop to think that maybe a woman’s biggest enemy is another woman? Having a personal belief these days only subjects you to a lecture about how are basically against woman’s right and ability to do anything for herself. No. I’m not against women being educated, or working or anything like that. I have a degree and had I not gotten pregnant my last semester in college I would have gone to work. I plan on working once all my children are in school in school and grown. Yes, my husband and I both prefer that I am home to raise the children. Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to raise my children myself? Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to spend money letting someone spend more time with my children than I do? I get that some people don’t have a choice, for a long time my mom wasn’t at home. I don’t think those women or my mother are some horrible slacker of a mom. It doesn’t seem so hard for me to believe that while I feel personally that my place is at home, and at the same time not pass horrible judgements on someone who doesn’t choose that life for themselves.

How do we know what Ward Cleaver did or didn’t do? What if he was the one that taught his kids to tie their shoes, throw baseballs, change tires, mow laws, clip bushes, taught his sons the value of women – how they are to be honored and treasured. Why do we assume that because a women back then may have done most of the cooking and cleaning that the men in their life thought of them as nothing more than slaves? I happen to believe that men and women are designed differently. That we have different strengths and weaknesses. My husband doesn’t cleaning, does laundry and spends time with the kids without me around. But he does it differently. He talks with them differently. He knows and does things that I don’t. Little girls are continually being taught that they can do anything, but be a mom. Little boys are basically taught that opening doors for girls is wrong and that girls can open their own freaking doors. Opening a door for a girl must mean you’re a sexists jerk face. We don’t let boys be boys, even from a young age. We need to celebrate each others strengths and weaknesses. I think that’s what this world needs.