What’s wrong with being a mom….

     
         This topic is as old as the day is long, and it’s been done so many times before.  But I can’t help it.  Everytime I see a story/article where a women writer is bashing another woman it makes me just foam at the mouth.  I’m not going to deny that perhaps my religious beliefs don’t play a roll in how I feel, but I personally know another mom who has the complete opposite beliefs in religion as I do, but our view on being a mother and parenting are right in line with each other.  I am so tired of women bashing women.  I’m so tired of being accused of being some sort of 1950s Stepford Wife, trying to keep women down.  It absolutely infuriates me.  It makes me so mad I could just spit.  Why in the heck would one mean the other?  Frankly, I don’t see what is wrong with wanting to stay at home and provide the best that I can for my children.  What is wrong with me wanting to fully support my husband’s career?  What is wrong with making dinner for my family, doing the laundry and most of the cleaning?  I argue that nothing is wrong with any of those things?  What’s more, why am I subjected to thoughts that aren’t my own if I say that.  Somehow I become so old fashioned woman basher if I don’t think that everyone women should just do whatever they want regardless of whether or not they have kids.  And that somehow my husband is probably brainwashing me, and that’s the only possible way that I could come to these facts and opinions on my own.  That every women in the 1940s and 50s was some oppressed person.

         I’m not an idiot, I’m not going to deny that there were plenty of cases where women were forced to do things they didn’t want to do.  I get it.  But did anyone ever stop to think that maybe a woman’s biggest enemy is another woman?  Having a personal belief these days only subjects you to a lecture about how are basically against woman’s right and ability to do anything for herself.  No.  I’m not against women being educated, or working or anything like that.  I have a degree and had I not gotten pregnant my last semester in college I would have gone to work.  I plan on working once all my children are in school in school and grown.  Yes, my husband and I both prefer that I am home to raise the children.  Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to raise my children myself?  Why is it weird that I wouldn’t want to spend money letting someone spend more time with my children than I do?  I get that some people don’t have a choice, for a long time my mom wasn’t at home.  I don’t think those women or my mother are some horrible slacker of a mom.  It doesn’t seem so hard for me to believe that while I feel personally that my place is at home, and at the same time not pass horrible judgements on someone who doesn’t choose that life for themselves.

     
         How do we know what Ward Cleaver did or didn’t do?  What if he was the one that taught his kids to tie their shoes, throw baseballs, change tires, mow laws, clip bushes, taught his sons the value of women – how they are to be honored and treasured.  Why do we assume that because a women back then may have done most of the cooking and cleaning that the men in their life thought of them as nothing more than slaves?  I happen to believe that men and women are designed differently.  That we have different strengths and weaknesses.  My husband doesn’t cleaning, does laundry and spends time with the kids without me around.  But he does it differently.  He talks with them differently.  He knows and does things that I don’t.  Little girls are continually being taught that they can do anything, but be a mom.  Little boys are basically taught that opening doors for girls is wrong and that girls can open their own freaking doors.  Opening a door for a girl must mean you’re a sexists jerk face.  We don’t let boys be boys, even from a young age.  We need to celebrate each others strengths and weaknesses.  I think that’s what this world needs.

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Military Monday – Own It!

marine parents

Well it’s time for the Military Monday blog hop.  I always feel compelled to come up with something fabulous, LOL, but seriously, who can get a jump on a Monday when you’re trying to have fun on the weekend.   The hubbs is heading out for several weeks this week, so that’s kind of a bummer.  And he’s working all the way up to it so Saturday and Sunday were it.  Brian will turn six while he is gone and then his parents come for a visit.  So it will be quite crazy.  In the mean time I will be trying to get the house together for their arrival, which includes trying to finish my first major DIY project.  Another “seriously” goes off in my brain!

What you’re staring at is table legs that have been repaired and are wrapped in plastic, a table – not attached to the legs – leaning up against the wall, and already freshly painted and reupholstered chairs waiting for the table and legs to join them and be all freshly painted.

As I was thinking of something fabulous to write  I thought to myself, why not just write about this?  It may not be super fab, or extremely profound in any way, but it’s life.  It’s nothing spectacular or life altering.  I read so many very fab and extremely profound blogs, at least to me.  Usually I get all up in my head and get all “super girly” (not to be mistaken for Super Girl) and wonder why in the heck am I writing about this stupid stuff when there is so much more profound things going on?  Yeah, I just used the word profound like three times in two sentences.  But…..then I think,  “I look for blogs of people going through what I’m going through.”  The normal day to day of the military life. 

         When we moved here we bought a ton of furniture – bunk bed, three bookshelves, couch, coffee table – I put them all together by myself.  Now, I know plenty of mom’s do this, and I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything; but at least I can get a pat on the back.  It’s just life.  It’s my life.  I chose it and I’m living it.  I encourage all moms that live this life to own it man!!  Most importantly though, don’t get caught up in comparisons.  So many women in general get caught up in comparisons.  There’s the parenting comparison,e working mom/SAHM comparison, the single mom comparison.  For me personally I’ve experiencedthe branch comparison, the deployment comparison, the Guard/Reserve vs Active Duty comparison and the civilian vs military comparison.  ALL are dangerous in my opinion.  When we start comparing who has it harder, the 6 month or the 12 month deployment, that when we are missing the point.  I mean, I’ve had easy and hard times.  Does the mom with three kids have a harder time then the brand new wife that spent three weeks with her husband before he was shipped off?  People have said to me, “I don’t know how you do it?  Being a military spouse is the hardest thing ever.”  Now, while I appreciate the sentiment and when someone spouts of about “what are military spouses complaining about, it’s not hard,” I’m the first to want to snap back at them.  What about police officer or firefighter’s spouses.  While my husband might face dangerous situations for month-long periods, police man face potentially deadly situations every day!  A traffic stop can turn into something more in the blink of an eye.

So don’t get caught up in comparisons because it never leads anywhere good, have compassion for whatever situation your friends might be going through – weather it be two weeks of training which become a nightmare because you have an into everything two year old, a weekend training where the mom has to put together a bunk bed because her five year old just can’t wait another second, a six month deployment, or just a regular work day that he can’t miss even though you are as sick as a dog and there’s a mountain of laundry piled up.  This is our life, we have to own it.  We live it so why not live it the best way you know how?  Doesn’t mean you have to wallow in it, nor should you hide your feelings because you know someone out there is dealing with something worse than you; there’s always something worse. 

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